Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Life or Debt

As those of you who have been reading my blog for a while know, my graduate funding will run out at the end of this school year. But it will take me another year (at least) to finish my dissertation. I spoke to the placement director in my department, and this person told me that they may be able to give me a few classes to teach next year. But I've been thinking about what my other options are, because at this point, I'm still not sure what I should do.

I work for a website, but it's only part-time. If I want to have enough money to pay rent, buy groceries, and pay for other essentials, I need at least one other job.

I could go back to work in retail. I've worked at a bookstore, a clothing store, and the souvenir store of a major tourist attraction. It would not be difficult to find another job in retail. I'm actually pretty good at convincing people to buy things (even things they don't need). I'm also good at keeping a friendly expression on my face, even though on the inside I may or may not be thinking, How can I help you? How about I help you find the way to the exit, so that you can shop somewhere else?

But working in retail made me very unhappy. The hours are long, the pay is extremely low, and it's very tiring to stand on your feet for eight hours a day. It's also very tiring to listen to  coworkers who think that if you don't fold a stack of sweaters perfectly, the world will end. Also, when the stores I worked for weren't making any money, I wasn't making any money. Everyone's hours were cut more often than not. Therefore, I could never rely on my earnings as a salesgirl.

I could keep teaching at the school where I'm teaching now, if the department offers me more classes next year. Several other grad students who are still working on their dissertations have also continued to teach at the school. I could also go back to working as an adjunct at one of the other schools where I've taught.

But teaching is very time-consuming. After spending hours teaching, grading papers, making lesson plans, and meeting with students to help them with their work and occasionally tell them that they shouldn't write papers like they write text messages, the last thing I want to do is work on my dissertation. What I want to do instead is sleep for several hours, read a good book that doesn't have five hundred footnotes in it, or take a walk around my neighborhood.

I could become a street performer, but I don't really know what I would do. Despite years of piano lessons, the only thing I can remember how to play is "Chopsticks". I can't sing very well without making people cringe and invest in ear plugs. I can't make balloon animals to sell to tourists, because I'm not very good at blowing up balloons. I always end up popping them by accident, which would scare the tourists and then they'd think that all the locals in Chicago are weird.

I've thought about applying for student loans or grants. The good thing about grants is that you don't have to pay anyone back for the money that you get, and it looks good on your resume. But a lot of people apply for those grants, so they're extremely difficult to get. Since I haven't distinguished myself in graduate school, it will be even more difficult to get one. But I'm still going to try.

I talked to people in the financial aid office at my school about applying for a small loan for next year. I also talked to a financial advisor, who gave me some good advice. I was reluctant to consider student loans at first, because in all the years I've been in graduate school, I've never applied for any loans. I have a tuition waiver and a stipend from my teaching assistantship, and I have always worked additional part-time jobs to pay for everything else. I was also raised with the belief that I should never borrow money if I can earn it on my own.

I have a small amount of credit card debt, but I haven't charged anything else and I pay more than the minimum each month. The thought of adding thousands of dollars to the amount of money I currently owe is daunting. Granted, even if I borrow money next year, I won't owe as much as most of my other classmates. They've been living off of student loans since the beginning, and they now have six figure debts. Their choice was not necessarily a bad one, because they were able to devote themselves to their work and succeed as a result. But it will take them decades to pay off those debts, because even though the cast members of reality shows get paid thousands (or millions) of dollars for living by the slogan "Who Needs a Conscience When You Can Be Famous?", educators are lucky if they earn enough money to live on and have a little bit left over to put in the bank.

But even though I am a workaholic, I don't know if I want to keep working so much next year. It's partly because I spent so much time at my other jobs that I haven't done as well in graduate school as I could have; I didn't have as much time to study. And I regret that, but at the same time I really never wanted to have a six figure debt; I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to pay it.

If I applied for a small loan, I wouldn't have to work next year. I could study all day without interruption. I could finally prove to my professors that my work is good enough, and then I would finally feel like I'm good enough. Maybe I wouldn't be so stressed and tired all the time, and maybe I would have time for the other things that are important to me, like fiction writing.

The thought of being in debt for years is scary. But the thought of failing to finish my dissertation and being forced to leave graduate school is even scarier. Even after everything I've been through, I still want to be a college professor.

What about you? How do you feel about student loans and debt in general? If you were in my situation, what would you do?

18 comments:

  1. I would take the loan, not do any other jobs, and finish. You don't want to have this same dilemma a year from now. This degree is what you want and you've sacrificed a lot. Get it done and move on. Good luck!

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    1. Hi Theresa,
      Thanks for the advice! I wish I didn't have to be in debt, but at this point I feel really burned out. I've worked so hard for the past several years, and I think that I need a break. Of course, I'll be taking a break in order to work (on my dissertation), but still.

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  2. Maybe taking the loan feels like you're failing something. It Is Not.(In my humble opinion..)
    It's buying yourself some time and air to breathe. Sometimes that's all it takes.Good luck with making this decision.

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    1. Hi Irene,
      Thanks for the advice! I do need some time to breathe, because I feel like I haven't had the chance to breathe in a long time. Even though I would be in debt for a while, I'm fairly confident that I can pay off the debt in time.

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  3. As someone suffering from the absurd debt she accumulated in grad school, I'd make sure that you build a safety net for when you have to start paying the debt back. It doesn't have to be an all or nothing thing, like either you only work on your dissertation or you only get a job. What if you took out a loan, but also got a small part time job to save up a little bit of money. A job that was actually part time and not totally draining. And if your hours got cut, oh well. But believe me, I wish I tried to minimize the debt, even though it was impossible to have a full time job while in school and student teaching. It would have been smart to have been paying a tiny bit of it back instead of frivolously spending every penny.

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    1. Hi mmarinaa,
      It's good to hear from someone who's been there. Thanks for the advice! I think I'm going to hold onto my website job, since it usually provides a steady (though small) income. I also have an emergency fund, and I add to it every payday. So if I do get a loan, I'll use part of the emergency fund to pay off the debt.

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  4. I don't mean to sound bossy or anything, but - take the loan! It's amazing that you've gotten this far without building up any school debt. As you noted, this loan will be nothing compared to what your classmates have accumulated. The last few posts of yours that I've read make it sound as if you're definitely in need of something to change, and this loan sounds like the answer.

    If you find that the debt freaks you out too much, you could always hang on to the part-time web job for a while. Your schedule will still be significantly lightened up without the teaching, right?

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    1. Hi Nicki,
      Thanks for the input! I appreciate it. I really do need something to change, because I feel like I've been stuck in a rut for too long. It's hard to picture what my schedule will be like without teaching, because teaching has taken up so much time for several years. But as much as I enjoy teaching, I would like to take a break from it, at least until I finish my dissertation.

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  5. I think student loans are the way to go. They are usually really flexible terms and low interest. I'd say go for it. Finish that degree up!

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    1. Hi Emily,
      Thanks! The financial advisor I talked to told me I should apply for federal loans, because they have lower interest rates than private loans. So I'm going to do some research on what kinds of loans are available, and I'm going to fill out the FAFSA form in January. I just hope it all works out.

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  6. I think you're on the right track. My advice, pay off your debt and loans as best you can and....what about waitressing? I had a waitressing job in college and used to make about $300 a night in tips plus FREE FOOD :)

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    1. Hi Johanna,
      I thought about waitressing, because the servers at upscale restaurants can make a lot of money. But those jobs typically require experience, which I don't have. Also, I'm very clumsy; I'd probably end up dropping food on the customers. But thanks for the advice, though! I wouldn't mind getting free food from a restaurant on a regular basis.

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  7. I agree with what most people have been saying... take the loan and finish your degree! You'll build up your credit. Personally I wouldn't take any more jobs and just focus on school, but I've never been good at multi-tasking in that sense, but if it were me, I would concentrate on getting that piece of paper! Good luck to you!

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    1. Hi Julie,
      It's difficult for me to multi-task too, because I often lose track of what I'm doing and then I make mistakes. Sometimes it's hard for me to concentrate on my dissertation, because I keep thinking of all the other work that I have to do. So taking a break from the other jobs would definitely help me become more focused. Thank you for the advice!

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  8. Working in a coffee shop or bookstore might not be so bad. Plus, discounts! On the other hand, an office job with access to a computer and internet is always nice :-)

    Amanda Palmer used to work as one of those living statues, you could do that!

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    1. Hi Deniz,
      Thanks for the tips! There are people who are living statues on Michigan Avenue; they usually paint themselves silver and kind of look like the Tin Man from The Wizard of Oz. I tried to get a job as a temp, but I couldn't get one because I didn't have much administrative experience. I wouldn't mind working in a coffee shop, though, because that's one job I've never had and I like coffee very much.

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  9. No advice—just hugs and reassurance that you can get through this. I have loans from undergrad that I've tried to pay down in grad school, but it's difficult to do it when you're not making any money. Since I already have loans, perhaps my viewpoint is a bit skewed—I don't want to take any more money out. But on the other hand, your degree is what's important. Will not working allow you to focus on your writing? That's the question you need to answer.

    And don't forget freelancing—word on the street is that some people pay for writing, but I've never met them. If you find them, let me know!

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  10. Hi Anna,
    Thanks for the encouraging words; it helps to hear them from someone who understands what I'm going through. I do think that not working will allow me to focus on my dissertation, because teaching and my website job take up so much time. Even though both jobs are important to me, at the same time they can be very stressful too sometimes, and it often leaves me with little energy to work on my graduate work. I'd like to have a year where I could just focus on my dissertation. But I'm going to see what all my options are. I'm going to go ahead and apply for a part-time teaching job, but I'll also fill out the FAFSA thing just to see what I'm eligible for, if anything. Hopefully it will work out.

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