Maybe I'm a hypocrite. Maybe I'm just sick of dating. Maybe I liked him more than I thought I did. Maybe it's because I'm turning thirty pretty soon and I'm afraid that I'll still be going on first dates for the next decade. Maybe it's because one of the potential matches that chemistry.com sent me today actually specified in his profile how he wouldn't date any girls who were bigger than a size 6. Maybe it's because I wanted to track that potential match down and make him watch a bunch of commercials for diet products until he started weeping over how much of a jerk he is and promised to mend his superficial ways (although that still wouldn't be enough to make me go out with him).
I decided to give chemistry.com bachelor #2 another chance. As you know, we went out on two dates recently, but I told him that I couldn't go out with him again because I was too busy. The truth is, I just wasn't sure I felt anything for him, and I didn't think it would be fair to him to keep leading him on.
I've rejected guys who wanted to date me before, and I never lost any sleep over it. Usually I just felt relief as I thought, I can't believe I dated a guy who was about as interesting as a piece of cardboard! and I can't believe that guy criticized me for not dressing up enough, so that I was tempted to hurl my dinner plate at him! or I can't believe I dated a guy whose sole ambition is to get as many women as Flava Flav did on his reality shows!
But with this guy, I couldn't stop wondering if I'd made a mistake in rejecting him. Okay, so I didn't feel fireworks with him. But the last time I felt a spark for anyone was when I went out with a guy I met on okcupid a little over a year ago. I liked him a lot. He liked the attention. Maybe what I had thought was a spark was just wanting what I would never have.
After several days of feeling like I might have made a mistake, I finally texted chemistry bachelor #2 to apologize for blowing him off and to ask him out for a third date. He didn't respond until two days later; I have to admit, I was disappointed when he didn't respond right away. He said that his cell phone was broken (which made me wonder why he didn't just call me from his landline), but he had said on our second date that he'd been having problems with his phone and would have to take it in to get fixed the next day. In his response, he said something about wanting to hang out sometime this week (although we'll see if that actually happens).
So I'm going to give this guy another chance. I know I sound like a total hypocrite after what I wrote about him in a recent post, but maybe I could end up feeling something real for him. It does make me wonder how many dates you're supposed to go on with a guy before you start feeling something real. For some people it happens right away. For me, of course it has to be more complicated, because it's not like I haven't already been searching for that special someone all these YEARS...but I digress. And anyway, I'm still going to keep reviewing the matches that chemistry sends me, just in case.
Obviously, I don't want to keep dating this guy for too long if it becomes more and more clear that I really don't feel anything for him. I feel like I shouldn't take too long to figure it out, though; based on how he acted on our first two dates, it doesn't seem like he has the same doubts as I do.
What do you think? What would you do if you were in my situation?
Interview with… Adam Byatt - Today it’s the turn of Adam Byatt to sit down and share his writing with us. This is my 13th interview, and there are still some wonderful authors to come!...
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