Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Stuff My Neighbors Say

Neighbor #1: Don't worry, nobody's even listening to us right now.
Me: Nobody wants to listen to you right now, but that doesn't mean we can't HEAR you. And by the way? It's really not necessary to congratulate yourself every time.

Neighbor #2: And I will always love youuuu..... (This neighbor likes to sing at the top of her lungs, because she thinks she's as good as Whitney Houston was.)
Me: You know what you should take? Voice lessons. Then the teacher will tell you that you should learn how to be a mime instead.

Neighbor #3: Can you believe it's already 2:37 in the morning? I can't believe we're still awake right now!
Me: I can't believe I'm still awake either. Do you know what happens when I am sleep-deprived? Why don't you come over and I'll show you. 

Neighbor #4: Yeah! We're number one! We won the game! WOOOO!!
Me: You're number one on my list of people who I'm going to photograph and whose pictures I will post online under the heading, "When Bad Neighbors Happen to Good People."

Neighbor #5: Just leave it. Someone else will take care of it.
Me: The next time I break a jar of spaghetti sauce, I'm not going to leave the mess all over the hallway like you did. I'm going to take the sauce and smear it all over your door with a note that says, "You don't have a maid. Clean up after yourself."

Neighbor #6: I just LOVE this song! Turn it up!
Me: I like that song too. At least, I liked it the first three times you played it. Twenty-five times later, I don't really like it anymore. Thank you for that. 

Neighbor #7: I can't believe you made out with him! I wanted to make out with him!
Me: How about this? The next time you two go to a bar and encounter an anonymous guy who's remotely attractive, you get to call dibs!

The walls in my building are extremely thin. Any time one of my neighbors sneezes, answers the phone, or fights with their boyfriend or girlfriend, I can hear it. My apartment window looks out over the parking lot; it also faces several other apartments, which is why I have to keep my blinds closed all the time. But even if I can't see my neighbors, I can still hear them.

It's one thing when they have their loud parties or music marathons on the weekends. I try not to start throwing things when the guy living in the apartment above me invites all his friends over and they start cheering every time one of the players in the games that they're watching does something spectacular, like move. But when it's a weeknight and I have to wake up at 5:30 A.M. to get ready to teach my morning classes?  That's something else altogether. I don't blast my Nothing But Taylor Swift playlist at 5:30 in the morning, because I know that everyone's sleeping. So I'd appreciate it if people would show me the same consideration at 1:30 A.M. I'd also appreciate it if I didn't have to listen to their nonstop noise EVERY. SINGLE. NIGHT.

I'd expect this kind of behavior if my neighbors were college students. But most of them are in their twenties and thirties. At some point, I would have thought they'd have grown up. But apparently, they haven't. Maybe I'm jealous because they have a lot more free time than I do, and they obviously don't have to work as much (or at all) as I do.

Maybe it's true that you can take the girl out of the small town, but you can't take the small town out of the girl. I was accustomed to peace and quiet when I was growing up, so it was a shock to come here to Chicago, where it's rarely peaceful or quiet. 

Maybe I'm suspicious because a lot of them never seem to sleep at night, which makes me wonder if they're all just a bunch of drunk vampires who like to party all the time.

Maybe I'm just tired because my neighbors are why I haven't been sleeping well lately, and I think they're also why my hair is turning white again.

Or maybe I'm just completely fed up by their selfish, inconsiderate behavior. I've had to live with jerks like them for years, and I hate it.

I am truly grateful for the fact that I have a roof over my head, and I am grateful that I earn money to pay my own rent. But I dream of the day that I'll be able to buy my own house someday, not an apartment or a condo, but a house where I don't have to share space with anyone I don't like. Until then, I'm seriously thinking of turning up my pop music playlists at 5:30 in the morning.


What about you? Do you have rude neighbors? How do you deal with people like them?

20 comments:

  1. Right outside my window is the yard of my villa neighbor. And they have a habit of staying out there until wee hours of the morning. Every once in awhile there's a knocking on their door that seems like it's right in my ear. It happens all the time. But I only notice if I'm in a bad mood already and feeling sleep deprived and as if they're making my insomnia worse. Some nights I'm sure it is exactly the same, but I am happy and content enough that I don't even notice as I drift into sleep.

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    1. Hi mmarinaa,
      For me it seems to have the reverse effect. Listening to my neighbors' nonstop noise puts me in a bad mood. I tried using earplugs, but those didn't really work for me. I also tried listening to music on my headphones, but that can be kind of distracting when I'm working.

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  2. Mr. Rogers didn't prepare you for apartment living in Chicago.

    Seriously, that's awful. When I lived in Cambridge, it was noisy when the bar down the street closed, but as bad as what you experience. Now I'm one town over and it's so quiet at night. It makes such a difference.

    I hope your stress level goes down. Have a good Thanksgiving.

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    1. Hi Theresa,
      If my neighbors were like Mr. Rogers, then it would be okay. And I'd be a lot less likely to start throwing things. I thought my old apartment building was bad; that's one of the reasons I moved to this building. But it's much worse here.
      I hope my stress level goes down too. And happy Thanksgiving to you! I hope you have a good holiday.

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  3. Partying drunk vampires, ha ha! Argh, that sounds horrible though. You should get two unneutered, unspayed cats and let them howl all they like when they're in heat :-)

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    1. Hi Deniz,
      Actually, I'm allergic to cats. If only my building allowed dogs, then I could get one and let it bark and howl all the time. If my building allowed roosters, I'd get one so that it would wake everyone up every morning.

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  4. I feel your pain. I really, really, REALLY hate hearing other people's noise. The last apartment I lived in, it sounded like a family of 10 people were above me, constantly stomping, slamming doors, and scraping their furniture around. But no, it was just a couple around my age. The wife is TINY, same size as me, but walked like a high-heeled rhinoceros and often woke up at 4 AM to exercise above my bedroom. I think the only solution to inconsiderate people (aside from indulging in our fantasies of punching them in the legs) is to move if at all possible. So sorry about your noise... a fan and some earplugs helped me to some extent.

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    1. Hi Julie,
      Exercising at 4 AM? What time does she go to sleep? Sheesh. People like that don't even realize that their behavior bothers other people, because they don't have any consideration for other people. (I like your phrase "high-heeled rhinoceros", haha!)
      I wish I could move, but I actually just moved to this building last year. Not to mention I signed a lease that keeps me here until next year, so, sighhh...I guess I'll just have to put up with it for now.

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  5. I couldn't wait to read this post! I remember crazy apartment building neighbors. Sadly, it's always much less Melrose Place and much more Weekend at Bernie's. My neighbors are wonderful but we have lawn and fences that separate us...and that helps!

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    1. Hi Johanna,
      I wish I had a lawn and a fence, because then it would mean I'd be farther away from my neighbors. Someday I'd like to have a big yard with trees and a garden, and I'd have dogs who could play in the yard. And I could write there too, and most importantly, it'd be quiet (except for the dogs barking). :)

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  6. Next time I fantasize about how cool it would be for my husband and me to give up our big home in the suburbs and move to an apt in a city somewhere (current city fantasy is Houston) I will come back and reread this post, and be grateful for what I have. Because I'm a lot older than you and have much less tolerance for idiots, I'm sure of that.

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    1. Hi Karen,
      I've thought about moving out to the suburbs, because the rent is less expensive there and it's quieter there too. Not to mention I could get a bigger place. But even though I have taken public transportation to get to the suburbs, I'd have to have a car if I lived there. And I'm a very nervous driver.

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  7. Oh, sound from annoying neighbours is one of the things that drives me absolutely INSANE. The other day, a neighbour let out his dog to squeal and whine for - not joking - over six hours. It was non-stop and I almost lost it! Living in a big city is not for the faint of heart. You have my sympathies!

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    1. Hi Talli,
      Nonstop barking would have been awful! They should have just let the dog inside, because obviously it was not an outdoor dog. Last night I kept waking up because my neighbor was watching several movies in a row; I kept hearing the music at the end of each movie. I wish I could send headphones to each of my neighbors, so they could use them to listen to their music or TV. Then everything would be a lot quieter, and I could sleep in peace.

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  8. Your neighbours need a to pipe down! Number one made me giggle! My boyfriend's apartment has walls paper thin and the guy who lives beneath him likes to do DIY in the early hours of the morning. It's horrendous. I think people like that are just ignorant. No concern for others what so ever.

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    1. Hi Alice X,
      People like that definitely are ignorant. I wish I could tape all of my neighbors when they're being loud, and then I'd replay it for them at 5:30 in the morning.
      Your boyfriend's neighbor would definitely make anyone uncomfortable.

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  9. Hi! This made me laugh, but I definitely understand why it drives you crazy. Maybe listen a little better and find something to blackmail them into silence?
    Good luck!

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    1. Hi Irene,
      I wish I could make my neighbors be quiet. Asking them nicely hasn't worked. Yelling out my window at them hasn't worked either. I've been listening to them (though not by choice), but when they're drunk they don't make a lot of sense.

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  10. My neighbors tend to be loud during their "baby making" sessions...it's a bit awkward.

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    1. Hi Optimistic Existentialist,
      That would be awkward! I don't think some people realize that their lives are not always as private as they think they are.

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