So I still don't have a Twitter page, and I don't have a Facebook page either. It just seems to me like joining either Twitter or Facebook (or both) would take up a lot of time. Not only would I have to keep coming up with Tweets, I'd also have to read and respond to other people's Tweets. Seeing as how I am obsessive by nature (not that that's immediately OBVIOUS to people or anything), I figure I would just become addicted to these sites and spend way too much time on them.
But ever since I finally got a smartphone (for free, thanks to a new contract that I signed with my phone company), I have been a little tempted to start Tweeting. It seems like everyone's doing it, but on the other hand a lot of people are planking and I don't see myself doing that anytime soon. (Seriously, what is the point of lying face-down on the ground like that? Or is it the fact that there is no point to it at all that makes it entertaining to some people? Or is it more about the fact that it's completely stupid that makes it entertaining?)
So I came up with a few more Tweets that I would put on my own Twitter page, if I had one:
I think that there should be a law that says that everyone has to brush their teeth every morning.
Did you get that, all you people who were breathing on me on the train?
If I start wearing short dresses and hair extensions and start getting drunk and picking fights in nightclubs, will someone give me my own reality show?
I'd call my reality show Lakeshore. Except instead of looking too tan everyone would look really pale from all the days and weeks without sunlight.
Maybe I should call the show Midwestern Vampires.
I've noticed that I haven't been having as many nightmares since I took a break from online dating. Coincidence?
I wish I could actually cook a meal without setting fire to the food/dish towels/my clothes.
I'm going to be thirty-one in a few weeks. How old do I have to be before lying about my age becomes acceptable?
I thought about naming my main character's love interest Justin, but Bieber kind of ruined the name for me.
Kim, Khloe, and Kourtney could be good names for the antagonists in my stories.
How do you deal with people who plagiarize your writing? I guess it's not okay to tar and feather people anymore, right?
Facebook is not an option for me because I'd never want to post any pictures of myself.
I hate the camera. Or maybe I should say that the camera hates ME.
On the other hand, one of these days, I'm going to be famous. I just hope that the paparazzi never photographs me when I'm wearing my night guard.
I wish I was a police officer.
Then when I show up in uniform and ask my neighbors to keep it down, they'll be a lot more likely to listen to me.
The problem with living in an apartment building is that you can't TP the yards of your annoying neighbors, because nobody has their own yard.
What if I just toilet-papered the doors to their apartments? Would that work?