When to Speak Up

There are times when I wonder when I should speak up, and when I should stay silent. In Chicago in particular, it's not typically a good idea to confront people you don't know, because you never know what they're capable of. I've witnessed fights in the street, the laundry room, restaurants, etc., and it never ends well.

A few days ago, I was in a coffeehouse that I don't go to very often. I don't go there very often because there is a group of obnoxious people who go there every day and stay for hours. They act as if they own the place; they talk loudly and have no consideration for people like me who just want to enjoy their coffee in peace. I don't expect cafes to be quiet, but I do think that people shouldn't talk loudly enough for the whole place to hear them.

That day, however, I heard them talking about a story that has gotten a lot of attention in the news lately. Two police officers are in trouble because a woman accused one of them of assaulting her. I heard one of the men in that group of disruptive customers say, "She probably enjoyed every minute of it." I didn't hear any of the other people in that group contradict him.

What he said filled me with rage. I wanted to flip over their table and throw my coffee in their faces. I wanted to scream at them at the top of my lungs. I wanted to tell that "man" that he had no right to say that. I wanted to tell him that he was offensive, insensitive, and heartless, and I wanted to grab his collar and throw him out of the cafe with all the strength that I had.

But I didn't. I turned around and glared at them, and one of them stared right back at me. But I didn't say anything. I wish that I had spoken up.

I am not trying to badmouth those police officers who are in trouble. (On the other hand, if they are guilty of that crime, then they should be prosecuted and convicted for it.) Let me just say that I respect the Chicago Police Department; whenever I see them patrolling the streets and the subway stations, I feel safe. The police officer's job is one of the most difficult jobs anyone could have, and the police force as a whole do not get as much recognition as they deserve. But I also have sympathy for that woman.

Once I was walking around in the South Loop and I noticed a man following me. I stopped in front of a Starbucks, hoping that he would pass me by. But he came right up to me, grabbed my arm, and tried to drag me off with him. I started screaming and broke away from him, and he just wandered off. It was the middle of the day, with dozens of people around. Not one of them stopped to ask me if I was okay, as I stood there, shaking. I think that a lot of them didn't even notice.

There have been other men who followed me on the street, and there was one man who leaned in and tried to kiss me before I ran away from him. There have been men who have reached out to stroke my arm or my hair on the train. There have been men who make every kind of explicit comment to me that you could think of, and who yell insults at me when I ignore them. There was one man who took his pants off and exposed himself to me on a mostly empty train, right before I ran off the train. I'm afraid to go out by myself at night, because it's not always safe. I have never enjoyed any of that despicable harassment from any of those disgusting "men". But I have never been assaulted.

Even though I haven't been, I still think that that man in the coffeehouse was WRONG to say what he said. I know that freedom of speech is one of Americans' most valued rights, and I can understand why this right is important. But that doesn't mean that what that man said was okay. It was far from okay.

I spoke to the manager of the cafe. He said that if they were ever offensive to me personally, then he would speak to them. He said he couldn't control what they said, but he did say that he would ask them to keep it down next time. But I still feel anger towards those obnoxious customers.

Normally I try to be funny and ironic in my posts. But this is one case where I don't think anything is funny about the situation.