Tuesday, September 14, 2010

What Would You Do?

If you opened the door to your apartment and found one of your neighbors passed out in front of it, what would you do? Would you
a) Step over her and tell people that she's your human doormat.
b) Take her picture and post it on a website with the caption "This is why you should drink in moderation".
c) Help her get into her apartment.

What I did: c. But then what would you do if the girl refuses to stay in her apartment and keeps running back to yours? Would you
a) Not answer your door and decide to leave your apartment through the window from now on.
b) Tell her, "I don't even know you, darn it! Leave me alone!"
c) Help her get into her apartment a second, third, and then a fourth time.

What I did: c. But then what would you do if the girl starts crying about her boyfriend, and she says he won't call her back? Would you
a) Advise her to join a convent because at least then she'll stop drinking and passing out in front of her neighbors' apartments.
b) Throw a box of Kleenex at her and hope she won't go all "Hallmark moment" on you.
c) Call her boyfriend and ask him politely to come over.

What I did: c. But then what would you do if the girl's boyfriend refuses to come over? Would you
a) Tell the boyfriend you will sell everything in her apartment for M&Ms if he doesn't come over
b) Tell the boyfriend that you will leave his girlfriend (who has passed out again) in the middle of traffic
c) Tell the boyfriend that you really need him to come over, because darn it, you don't even know her

What I did: c. But then what would you do if, sometime later, you open your door to find a mattress blocking the exit? (It was left not by the drunk girl, but by some loser on your floor who is too lazy to go to the dumpster.) Would you
a) Start stabbing your way through the mattress with your cereal spoon to get out
b) Leave the mattress in front of your neighbors' door and threaten to attack them with your spoon if they do this again
c) Call the super for help.

What I did: c.

What would you do if people in your neighborhood decided to organize outdoor concerts for several bands, and you were subjected to LOUD music for several hours a day for several days while the concerts lasted?
a) Throw rotten vegetables at them and yell, "You SUCK!"
b) Approach the bands and offer to be their backup dancer, and then proceed to demonstrate the three dance moves you know.
c) Complain to the police, and, upon learning that they can't do anything because the Bands with No Talent have permits, start grinding your teeth so hard you end up cracking one of them.

What I did: c. My dentist fixed my cracked tooth but made me start wearing a bite guard, which, when I looked in the mirror, made me think that I should audition for the remake of Revenge of the Nerds.

What I did next: scour the apartment listings for a new place to live, preferably a building with no other people in it.

Side note: I recently was given the Blog with Substance Award by the awesome blogger Geophrie; check out his blog, The Far Too Important Blog! Thanks Geophrie! You rock!


  1. You need to move! Really!

    I would never have received that many "C" answers. I would've definitely stabbed the mattress with a spoon and then blocked the perp's door.

    You deserve a blog of substance award!

  2. Congrats on the award and yes, I would have moved too. You have crazy neighbours.


  3. Dear Lord! And here I was thinking MY neighbourhood was bad! Come to London.

  4. Yes, you definitely need to find a new place to live. And now you'll learn to do what I would have done in that first situation. B. Take a picture but instead of posting it online, I would've put it all over the apartment and onto everyone's care in the parking lot.

    p.s. don't get on my bad side. :D

  5. This is why I'm glad I live in a building with doormen and a coop board. Standards have to be upheld, man!

    Sorry about the mattress and the drunk girl...

  6. Hi Theresa,
    I definitely need a new place to live. I wish I could block one door, specifically the front door to the building, so that none of my neighbors could enter it ever again. :)

    Hi Clarissa,
    They are weird. I'm thinking that it's only a matter of time before I buy more spoons...

    Hi Talli,
    I wish I could come to London! Maybe someday... :)

    Hi Hannah,
    I'd like to take pictures of all the neighbors and include a caption that reads, "The Most Annoying People Ever".

    Hi Sadako,
    I wish there was a coop board in my building. I'd have a lot to say to them, that's for sure.

  7. oh goodness, girl. You need to live in a different area, that sounds awful!

  8. Hi MissEmy,
    I do need to live in a different area. Or at least my neighbors do.