Wednesday, June 7, 2017

Maybe When Hell Freezes Over

I haven't blogged in almost a month because ever since I found out that I was not rehired for the 2017-2018 school year at the school that's employed me for the last two years, I've been frantically applying to all the schools that are still posting job openings. I've applied to about twenty schools in the past few weeks (and I applied to many more schools before that).

And I've been doing fine, really. I mean the fact that other than my part-time website job, I have no job leads and will end up on the street if I don't find a full-time job has me as cool, calm, and collected as this:


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My mother keeps calling to ask me if I've found a job yet. She keeps saying stuff like, "Well, you chose to work in that field." (When I was eighteen, I stood up to her for the first time in my life and chose to major in English, rather than choose the major and the career that she wanted. To this day, she still hasn't forgiven me.) She also said that if I can't pay my rent, she and my father can't give me any money (I didn't ask her for money, BTW, and I have no intention of doing so), but I can move back in with them. My reaction to that was basically this:


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First of all, there is no way in HELL that I will ever move back in with my parents. I haven't lived with them in eighteen years, and I'd rather move in with Sean Spicer AND Sean Hannity than do that.

One thing's for sure: I have to leave Small Town. My lease ends in the middle of August, so I have to be out of here by then.

I still have hope, though. When I was hired for my most recent teaching job two years ago, they didn't even offer me a job until July. So there's still a little bit of time, but I find myself growing more anxious (and more likely to start climbing the walls) as the days go by.

What didn't help, though, was that two members of the committee that decided not to rehire me at my old job invited me out for lunch about a week after I was rejected. They acted like nothing had happened and mentioned wanting to try a new restaurant that opened in town.

I politely declined, and I resisted the urge to say, "I'm not available now, but maybe when hell freezes over? Or maybe when Trump starts Tweeting things that don't make him sound like a narcissistic freak show? So basically, NEVER."

Maybe they wanted to explain why they voted against me (and I know for a fact that they did). But I'm not interested in listening to their rationalizations. I wasn't really friends with those two members, though they taught in my department and I had lunch with them a couple times to be polite. But now that I am no longer working there, I have zero incentive to be friends with them, and I don't want to take the risk that if I were to have lunch with them, I might "accidentally" hurl something at them. But I digress.

Like I said before, it's complicated to be friends with people at work, especially when those people have authority over your job. And I was never friends with either of them to begin with. But they kept inviting me out to lunch, kind of like the girl who continues to believe that the guy who stopped returning her calls three months ago will eventually marry her. And the trouble is, since this is a small town, there's always the risk that I will run into them, in which case I will have no choice but to do this:


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I also can't help feeling angry at them for voting against me. The person they chose instead of me is also someone that I know, and although that person is perfectly nice, they are not better at their job than I am (and I have evidence of this, too). Maybe they had other valid reasons, but still, I can't help feeling that they're either totally naive or arrogant to think that I would still be up for a lunch with them where things did not get thrown.

In the meantime, I'm continuing to apply for jobs, and keeping my fingers crossed. Hopefully I'll find a full-time teaching job soon. And if not, well...

What about you? Have you ever been in a state of uncertainty (and also, in my case, just a little bit of PANIC) over where you were going to end up when it came to your work?

10 comments:

  1. Yikes! I probably would have politely declined that lunch as well, while silently hurling swears and insults in my brain.
    Hoping you find a full-time job soon. One where you don't have to deal with jerks.

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    1. Hi Sarah,
      Oh, there was plenty of silent swearing in my brain, believe me. And thanks for the well wishes. Right now the worst part is not knowing what's going to happen; hopefully it will be settled sooner rather than later.

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  2. That lunch doesn't sound as if it would have been much fun. Maybe they just wanted to justify themselves - see NW's out to lunch with us, we can't be such bad people!

    As always, fingers crossed on the job front. But it seems so unfair that schools leave it so late to offer positions.

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    1. Hi Annalisa,
      See, that's what I was thinking! And I wasn't about to make THEM feel better about themselves, especially when I've been feeling so down lately. And yes, it's definitely unfair that schools wait until the last minute. Partly I think it's due to not being able to the fact that enrollment decisions aren't resolved until the end of the school year, and there are budget issues. But it's hard on untenured faculty like me, who are expected to drop everything and uproot our entire lives on a moment's notice. That's what happened the last time: they gave me barely two weeks to move to Small Town and get everything settled, which was very stressful and very expensive. (And they didn't give me a penny in relocation assistance.)

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  3. Oh gosh, I'm so sorry to read about your job troubles. I hope you will get an offer soon! I'll keep my fingers and toes crossed for you. And that lunch sounds like a nightmare to me. I would say they were lucky you POLITELY declined. It had to be hard to be nice!

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    1. Hi Julie,
      Thanks! And believe me, it was hard to resist the urge to be very impolite, but I didn't want to burn any bridges. I just really didn't want to go to that lunch; I figured it would be awkward at best and tense (at least on my side) at worst. Not to mention I really shouldn't be spending money on lunches out anyway, considering the fact that I don't have a full-time job right now.

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  4. Yup, and I'm kinda sorta starting to feel the screws twisting in again because my work has gone quiet. So yeah I totally know what you're going through.

    Really hoping that you get an awesome job in an awesome place. :-)

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    1. Hi Misha,
      Sorry about my late response, but thanks for your support, as always! :) I hope the next job will be awesome, but at this point I'll be happy just to have a full-time teaching job. I do hope, though, that the next job will be better than the one I had here.

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  5. Of course. But my heart aches for you. I don't like that things are so tough for you. I think it's good you didn't go out for lunch/ dinner with those people. Definitely look towards your future. I'm crossing my fingers you find something that is better suited to you.

    As for me, I had finished college, and couldn't find a job in agriculture, in which I have a degree. So I went to New Zealand, who had a ton of openings. I had been living there a few months, and I had to wait on a work Visa. I was only allotted to stay as a visitor for 3 months. I couldn't stay past that point, unless I got a work Visa. I only got offered a job at the end of months 1. 2 1/2 months later it was still in process. A day before I was scheduled to leave, still nothing. They told me if I stayed past my 3 months, even though my Visa was in process, I had a good chance of being deported. So I flew back home as scheduled, without a job, broke and still in need of a job. Okay, maybe that's not a good example. It sounds just depressing, sorry.

    But you definitely still have time. I know you will find something. Hang in there.

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    1. Hi Murees,
      I'm sorry for my late response; I've been bad about blogging lately, partly because I've been stressing about my job search. Right now it's all I can think about. I know I shouldn't worry so much about it, but I can't help it.
      I'm sorry that things didn't work out for you with that job in New Zealand; at least you were offered a job at one point, and I'm sorry that it didn't get processed before you had to leave. It's hard to find jobs in other countries, especially because of the whole visa situation. But I hope that the next time you're in a situation like that, it works out exactly the way you want it too.

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