Tuesday, May 16, 2017

Good at My Job

"You're my favorite teacher. I really enjoyed your class."

"I didn't even like reading before I took your class, but I read another book by that author we studied, and I really liked it."

"I told all my friends to take your class."

"You're not like the other professors. You always seem like you're happy to be here, and you always make time to help us."

At the end of every term, many students approach me to tell me that they like the way I teach. Others say that they signed up for another class with me. Over the past several years, more than ninety-five percent of my student evaluations have been positive.

But I recently had to reapply and interview a second time for the same job I have had for the last two years. I was rejected, which means that it is now May and with the exception of my part-time website job, I have no job leads. The lease on my apartment ends in mid-August, and I only have enough money to get me through the summer. After that, if I don't find a job before the next school year starts, I'm screwed.

My department chair said that there were more than a hundred applicants for the job. He said that they were looking for someone with a different specialization (all Ph.D. candidates choose a specialization that they focus on in their dissertations, and it typically determines what kind of job they get). But the person they chose over me has the same specialization that I have (and less teaching experience, not to mention this person rarely holds office hours, whereas I set aside extra time every week in addition to my regular office hours to meet with students). Not to mention I've been teaching at the college level for more than ten years. I've taught at several colleges, in addition to high school. It may have taken me more than a month to figure out how to turn off my cell phone, and I might not understand half the things that Millennials say (I neither know nor care what "on fleek" means). But when it comes to teaching, I know what I'm doing.

On the one hand, I've been unhappy at this job for a long time. Everything they said I could do or have, they took back. For example, they said I could have my own office. Less than a day later, they said I had to share it with another instructor. They told me I wouldn't have to keep reapplying for my job, but changed that policy less than a year later. They told me that I could teach literature classes, but then changed the job description to just freshman composition. And that's just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to how I've been treated.

If I had known that all of this was going to happen, I would not have come here. But I need a job to pay my bills and to cover the health insurance I need for my ongoing treatment. My health is unfortunately not good right now (in fact, it's gotten worse), and my doctors said I need ongoing treatment. That's why I can't just fill out an application at Starbucks or go back to working in retail. Jobs like those won't pay for my treatment.

It makes me angry that I worked so hard for two years and sacrificed the only two things I had left outside of work that mattered to me: a city that I loved and my writing, which I've barely worked on since I came here, only to end up like this. It's disheartening to know that although my students think I'm doing a good job, it's not enough to make my department rehire me. The academic term isn't over yet, and I still have to face my colleagues. It's all I can do not to scream and scream and scream or run to the restroom and cry.

But on the other hand, I thought of how my dissertation committee thought I would never finish my dissertation and how they kept criticizing my work. I kept writing, revising, and doing research, and I finished my dissertation. I earned my PhD and the title of "Doctor".

I thought of all those awful retail jobs I had where customers screamed at me and twenty-two year old managers on power trips bossed me around. I kept working, and I survived.

I've applied to dozens of other schools, although I've been rejected by several of them already. But I still have hope. Two years ago, when I applied for jobs, six schools were interested in hiring me. Five of them did not start contacting me until June of that year. So there's still time.

At the risk of sounding like a Diana Ross song, I will survive this. I didn't let all the other people who tried to drag me down stop me from achieving my goals, and I won't let anyone else do it now.

What about you? Have you ever lost a job? What was that like?

13 comments:

  1. If you were unhappy with the job, take this as a blessing in disguise, no matter how sucky the situation is. Hopefully now you'll be able to get back the two things you sacrificed for this job.

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    1. Hi Chrys,
      I actually was dreading the upcoming school year because of the possibility of teaching there again. I just hope that I do find a new, better job at a school where I get treated better. Unfortunately, I doubt I'll get to go back to living in a big city; most of the colleges I applied to are in college towns because that's where most of the job openings were.

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  2. If push comes to shove, you could always go back to teaching high school - in a big city, too. Where I live, most of our school districts offer dual credit high school/college courses. Hubby teaches two sections of US History each semester and gets $3.5k per section per semester on top of his base salary and MA stipend. So that comes out to an extra $14k/year. The stipends come from local junior colleges so they hire you on as an adjunct and will offer you part-time on campus courses. Additionally, before taking on dual credit at his current district, he was a part time adjunct for another junior college for several years and always had steady work - and was even encouraged to apply for a full-time visiting scholar position which he turned down. It may not be what you want to do, but you'll make more money, have more time for a life, and you'll be in a big city which means you'll have access to more opportunities. Here's another story. My SIL moved to the US in 2009 after she married my brother. She had an MA in French and worked as a translator back in her home country. When she got here, she received an adjunct position at her junior college. Then she was hired on as a visiting scholar for a few years. When her department head died in a car accident in France, she was promoted to department head. All within a few years of moving to the US. This never would have happened at a university, especially in a small town.

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    1. Hi nomdeplume,
      I've worked as an adjunct college instructor; the pay wasn't very high for my field. For example, I once received an offer to teach as an adjunct at a community college for less than what I earned as a retail salesperson. Not to mention it didn't provide health insurance (though my retail jobs did, except the insurance wasn't very good). But I appreciate the advice though.
      I've thought about teaching high school again. I did like my high school students; they showed me poetry and rap lyrics that they wrote in their free time.

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  3. I'll keep a prayer on the back burner for you. Definitely a scary stage to be in, but I'm hopeful for you. The darkest part of the night always happens right before the dawn.

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    1. Hi Crystal,
      Thanks for your prayers! I've been praying a lot too. It's difficult not knowing what's going to happen to me, but such is the life of an untenured college teacher.

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    2. Such is life period. We're facing that right now with doctors and insurance and other stupid stuff. (Politics. Meh.) I'm hoping you've heard something by now and are madly preparing for your next step. If not, here's some virtual cheese.

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  4. I'm so sorry to hear this. I can understand your frustration at having to finish the school year. I'll keep my fingers crossed that the right job will land in your lap soon. Keep applying, never give up!

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    1. Hi Annalisa,
      Thanks! It's clear that the job I have here in Small Town is not the right job for me; hopefully I will find a better job somewhere else. I've been avoiding most of my colleagues and just focusing on my work in the meantime.

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  5. I'm so sorry!

    I lost my job almost a year ago, and the worst is that I felt like I had wasted my life for the six months that I worked there.

    And yeah, it hasn't suddenly become easy, but I survived the year since.

    Praying for you, though.

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    1. Hi Misha,
      Sorry about my late response, but I appreciate your prayers! Right now it's hard to think about how I'll survive, especially because I have no other job leads, other than my part-time website job. I think that the uncertainty about what's going to happen is the worst, but hopefully I'll get through it, like you did.

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  6. I am so sorry, N.W. It sounds like you are better off for not staying in that position. I know you don't want to hear this, but stress is just going to make your health worse. It definitely triggers depression and anxiety episodes for me, not to mention my chronic pain. My immune system also crashes. But you will definitely survive. I know all about expensive medical treatments. It definitely hits the bank account hard, not to mention making you feel frustrated. But your health is important. I know you will find a new job. Just focus on taking care of yourself now. Sounds like they've been working you hard, so definitely put you first. You will absolutely survive. Sending positive vibes your way so that new job will come your way.

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    1. Hi Murees,
      Sorry for my late response, but I appreciate your support. I didn't really want to stay at that job, but I am worried because I don't have any job leads yet. There's still a little time left, but sometimes it feels like the clock is ticking louder and louder. And the thing is they did definitely make me work very hard, and it's frustrating that it didn't pay off at that school. I just hope that the next place will be better.

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