Sunday, December 18, 2016

Facebook's Version, or Why I Bought a Selfie Stick

I recently did something that I vowed that I would never do. I joined Facebook.

When Facebook first came out, I was already in my mid-twenties and working three jobs by then, so I had neither the time or the interest to join the site. Maybe if I had been a few years younger and enjoyed taking dozens of pictures of myself, posing with a pout and tight clothes in front of my bathroom mirror, I would have joined.

Side note: I'd love to friend all of you on Facebook, but I prefer not to reveal my real identity on this blog. Also, I like having a secret online alter ego, kind of like Batman except without the cool car and the superhuman strength (unless you count obsessiveness as a super power, in which case I AM Batman).

Also, based on what I've heard, it always seemed like there was a lot of Facebook drama, with people saying stuff like, "Why does your relationship status still say 'single'? Do you not care about me at all?" or "They're still mad at me because I unfriended them, but it's like, I don't want to know what they're having for lunch every day! That's what Instagram is for!"

But I finally decided to join because most of my friends in Small Town are on it, and they often organize parties and other get-togethers through Facebook. The only way I would find out about any of these events was if they invited me or if I texted them to find out which bar we were meeting at. I always felt like I was out of the loop.

Speaking of feeling out of the loop, one of the first things I saw on Facebook was New Girl's page. She'd posted pictures of the big Christmas party she hosted recently, and tagged several of my friends, who were invited. I know that it's her party, and she has the right to invite or exclude whoever she wants. But I must admit that it did hurt to see pictures of practically everyone in our social circle at the party and to know that she deliberately excluded me. (See what I mean? Drama.) That's why I didn't even try to "friend" her online. I already tried that offline and it didn't end so well.

Seeing those pictures made me feel like I was the high school wallflower all over again. I can't say anything about it to Small Town Guy, though, because although they're not dating, they are close friends and his picture was all over her page.

Speaking of high school, I sent friend requests to a couple of old high school friends. It was interesting to find out what they'd been up to since graduation. But then several other people from high school sent me friend requests. I realized too late that my profile would show up on those other people's Facebook pages, as well as the "people you may know" list.

Although I accepted their requests, one of the other reasons I didn't join this site before was because I didn't want anyone I went to school with to see me, at least not until I was thinner, more successful, and married to an Abercrombie and Fitch model.

When I looked at my old friends and classmates' pages, I was struck by how "grownup" everyone looked. True, it had been more than seventeen years since we'd seen each other (God, that makes me feel old.). But it was more than that. They posted what I think of as the Facebook version of their lives, with their beautiful wedding portraits and pictures of their smiling children. Their updates included posts about parenting, breastfeeding, and the best place to buy a mattress.

While all those other people were traveling around the world, getting married, and having children, I was working, attending graduate school, and yelling at my loud neighbors (the last time I asked them to keep it down was at 2 A.M. on a Wednesday night. They said, "Oh, are you sleeping right now?" And I was all, "YES! Why aren't YOU?")

That's partly I have few recent pictures of myself. The other reason is I don't like the way I look in pictures. My lack of pictures made me feel inadequate, like I had less to show for my life than theirs. I know that's not true, because I've accomplished and experienced a lot of things too. It's just that I spent more time documenting these things through writing than through pictures, and I have a stack of journals and blog posts to prove it. That's why I like Twitter and blogging better, because there's no pressure to post pictures; the point is to express yourself through words.

I bought a selfie stick, though I was embarrassed to ask the people at the store if they sold any. I had trouble using it; I kept accidentally taking pictures of the side of my face or forehead, and my arm got tired holding it up. I only managed to get one decent picture of myself. Then I discovered the "filter" option, and I ended up looking like a cast member for The Real Housewives. How do Millennials do this all the time?

What about you? What do you think of Facebook? If you're on the site, did you ever deal with any drama with friend requests or Facebook posts?

18 comments:

  1. The best thing about Facebook is you can use it whatever way you want. You can simply scroll past those perfect pictures and choose not to notice them. I personally take the mick out of myself and share stuff that will make my friends laugh, or photos I've take of my neighbourhood while walking the dog.

    Definitely don't feel envious of the perfect lives you see on there - most of it won't be real, they'll just be too self-conscious to be themselves.

    So, you can be real, be the 'real' you want to be, or completely buy into the game - it's totally your option :-)

    (Oh, and I don't accept every friend request either!)



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    1. Hi Annalisa,
      I like your idea of sharing stuff that makes people laugh; I've mainly been posting funny updates instead of pictures. What I lack in pictures, I try to make up for in funny banter. :)
      And thank you for your advice about Facebook. This is all new to me; I even had to look up the definitions for basic features like "tagging". I'd heard my students talking about that stuff before, but they use a lot of Millennial jargon that I don't understand half the time.

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  2. I've been on FB for several years now after resisting joining it for a long time. I have enjoyed it at times, but I'm fairly tired of it now and go on there less and less. I think Annalisa has the right attitude about it!

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    1. Hi Julie,
      I can see how people can enjoy Facebook; for one thing, I didn't realize how there's a FB page for everything, and it enables me to find out about interesting literary events nearby. But I can also understand why people don't go on the site as often anymore; there are already some things about it I don't like, but I figure I'll stick with it for now.

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  3. What up, Batman! And I'll admit, I've been on Facebook since I was maybe 17 or 18. But I'm with Annalisa, the best experience with it is the one that you create. Ignore the picture-perfect and remember that there was probably a lot of chaos behind it.

    Also, find the people who put a good balance out there, who post the good and the bad. It's comforting.

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    1. Hi Caitlin,
      Thanks for the advice! Even though I've only been on the site for a few days, I've noticed that there are some people on the site who either only post good stuff or only post bad stuff (and by that I mean extreme political rants, which made me unfollow them). I like what you said about how the best experience is the one that you create; I think that for me, the best part so far is finding out about all the writing opportunities and literary events in my region.

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  4. in 2009 i joined that site for few days and then found it waste of time as i was liking more my blogging so since then i am enjoying only writing on my blog and connecting with blogging friends .

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    1. Hi Baili,
      Like you, I prefer blogging to Facebook; I feel it's easier to make a real connection through blogging than through Facebook.

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  5. Funny because I hate Twitter, which I feel is just a big promo site, and I like Facebook. Remember, people are often just trying to post the best of themselves. It's a snapshot.

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    1. Hi Theresa,
      Sorry it took me so long to respond; I've been sick the last couple of days and have mostly just been sleeping. I follow mostly comedians like Conan O'Brien and Steve Martin on Twitter; I like them because they mostly just post funny jokes.

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    2. How are you feeling now? A lot of stuff's been going around.

      How is it going on FB?

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    3. Hi Theresa,
      Unfortunately, I'm still coughing, though not as much as before. It sucks because I basically coughed my way through almost my entire winter break. Facebook's okay; I try to just focus on the posts that make me smile rather than the ones that make me want to throw my laptop out the window.

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  6. I'm on FB and use it. You should use social media but not let the social media use you...use it when you want and like only.

    Wishing you and your family a Happy and Prosperous New Year!

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    1. Hi Nasreen,
      I'm really sorry for my late response; I'm still fighting a bad case of the flu and have not had much energy lately. Happy New Year to you too! I've been using Facebook, but I actually haven't been using it as often as I thought I would.

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  7. Memes. Memes are a great way to post without posting pictures of yourself. And quiz results. =) I've been on facebook since 2005--mostly so I could connect with family when we moved across country, and it's been super strange watching the way it has evolved. Honestly, it's harder to reach people now than ever before, and chances are 90% of your posts will be missed by anyone you don't tag. Stupid Facebook algorithm... Okay, enough ranting. I REALLY love the group features on there. And they just introduced the marketplace aspects, which I'm baffled about.

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    1. Hi Crystal,
      I like the group feature on there too; my friends here in Small Town started a Facebook group that they use to organize get-togethers, so it's a pretty useful feature. I haven't figured out how to use memes yet, but I'll get it eventually; I just recently learned about tagging, so it's going to take some time. :)

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  8. Nah and I was in SO much drama when I was at school. (So much so, I moved cross country to University so wouldn't be expected to see any of my class mates with any sort of frequency.)

    But the cool thing is that my writing blogging buddies started finding me, and the awesome pretty much drowned out all the crappy parts.

    It also helps that I'm not particularly attached to the platform. I check out my feed for highlights, but I don't check up on all my friends to see what they're doing.

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    1. Hi Misha,
      I'm sorry about my late response; I haven't been blogging much lately! I think you're right to not get too attached to Facebook. I think that was my problem; that is, I got to attached to it right away, and I started checking it way too often. Now I just look on it when I'm standing in line or something like that, but not as often as before. I think it's better that way.

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