Tuesday, February 11, 2014

How to Celebrate Valentine's Day When You're Single...and in your 30s

1. Try not to think about Cathy from the comic strip, who was known for being single but eventually got married, because that means even a comic strip character is ahead of you.

2. When your mother calls to tell you about ANOTHER woman your age (or younger) who's getting married, tell her, "Yes, she may be getting married, but does SHE know all the lyrics to every one of Britney's hit singles? So it's not like I haven't accomplished ANYTHING in my thirties."

3. Watch episodes of Sex and the City, because although it did focus on the women's pursuit of love, it also showed that being single in your thirties wasn't the worst thing in the world.

4. When your unrequited crush starts talking to you, imagine that he's Honey Boo Boo giving an interview, so that you're much more likely to cringe and walk away quickly.

5. Eat some of the candy that goes on sale after Valentine's Day, and then go to the gym so that you don't have to feel guilty about eating all that chocolate.

6. The next time some creep on the street yells out something profane to you, yell back, "I've already picked out the names for our children!" Then laugh as he runs away.

7. Hang out with your other single friends and rant about all your married friends.

8. Compose a new online dating profile that says stuff like, "I'm looking for a guy who is okay with the fact that I will never be a size 4" or "I'm looking for a 30-something guy who actually accepts the fact that he's getting older and doesn't reject all the 30-something women for all the 20-something women" or "I'm looking for someone who I can grow old and mock people with."

9. Think of all the wrong guys that you dated, and congratulate yourself for not ending up with any of them.

10. Make a list of all the things that make you happy, so that you don't have to focus as much on the one thing that's missing from it.

What about you? Do you celebrate Valentine's Day? And if you do, how are you going to celebrate it?

16 comments:

  1. I'm not single but if I were, I'd copy this list and paste it to my refrigerator.

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    1. Hi Karen,
      Thanks! I figure I'll try and do at least one of the things on my list on Valentine's Day.

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  2. I'm all for #6 and #9. And I loved the idea of growing old with someone who will mock with you. Now that's love!

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    1. Hi Theresa,
      I always liked the relationship that Jerry and Elaine had on Seinfeld; I thought they should have ended up together. So I think it'd be nice to have a relationship that had their kind of dynamic, where they were both totally neurotic, mocked other people, and understood each other.

      Delete
  3. I feel like number 8 would actually be highly successful. I once up on a time posted a Craigslist ad and was very honest about my expectations. I literally wrote along the lines of "If you pay for my movie and peanut M&Ms and I find you mildly interesting, I will hold your hand. If you are lucky I will kiss you good night. This is not going to end in sex." And I got totally normal responses and being like, I like your straightforwardness/sarcasm/whatever they perceived it as. DO IT!

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    1. Hi mmarinaa,
      I like your craigslist ad; it is nice when people are straightforward about what they want and don't want. I am planning to do online dating again eventually, and the part about wanting a 30-something guy who won't reject me for some 22-year-old is especially important. One thing that turned me off about match.com is that most of the guys my age only wanted women who were at least ten years younger.

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  4. I need to find opportunities to try #6, and I think you really ought to try #8 - it sounds like it could be very fruitful :-)

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    1. Hi Annalisa,
      It's tough for me to come up with stuff for my online dating profile, so I think I might include some of what I wrote above the next time I write a profile. I'm going to try online dating again, at least one more time.

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  5. Hehe, another excellent list from you. I like those updates to the dating profile---you should totally do it!

    My best Valentine memories are all from grade school---I love the cheesy Valentine handout & I'm sad my kids are too old for that now. Maybe I'll go buy me a box and hand them out myself.

    I hope you're keeping warm this wicked Chicago winter!

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    1. Hi Nicki,
      I love Chicago, but even I must admit that this winter has been too much for me. I'll be glad when it's warm again and I can walk around without wearing five layers.
      I miss grade school Valentine's Days too, because it was fun to make valentines for everyone and no one cared about being in a relationship. And you should buy a box of valentines! I'm sure people would get a kick out of it.

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  6. I'm pretty much a constant single, and even when I wasn't I never had someone on V-day.

    So... I just spent it writing and avoiding the internet.

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    1. Hi Misha,
      I think that writing and avoiding the Internet is good, especially the writing part. Writing is something that always makes me feel happy (unless I'm writing my dissertation).

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  7. so the mom one had me going...oh that was so true!!!

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    1. Hi Tammy,
      I know, right? I think that moms must have some kind of "alert" signal whenever someone they know is getting married.

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  8. You caught me - I did watch Sex and the City! And enjoyed some Reese's Peanut Butter cups.

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    1. Hi Leslie,
      I have Sex and the City on DVD, because I still enjoy watching it now and then. I've heard that Girls is the younger version of that show, but I think I'll always like SATC best.

      Delete