Wednesday, October 12, 2011

The Pros and Cons of Online Dating, Part 2

If I cancel my online dating membership...

1. I won't get any more messages that say stuff like "I'm going to be in Chicago for a couple days and I'm looking to kill a few hours. Interested?"

2. I won't see any more naked/half-naked pictures that guys post in their profiles, which make me think that people should keep themselves covered up as much as possible, so that other people are less likely to throw up all over their computers.

3. I won't read profiles where the guys list all the reasons that girls shouldn't contact them, such as "If you're not willing to spend every weekend watching sports with my friends and me, don't e-mail me," and "If you expect me to be anything like Jacob or Edward, don't e-mail me."

4. I won't read profiles that say stuff like, "I know my profile says drugs often but I just smoke weed."

5. I won't read any more profiles that make me shriek, "Doesn't anyone use the spell check anymore?"

6. I won't have to keep spending so much money on dates, because I feel bad about making the guy pay for everything. Then I'll have more money for important expenses, like rent, groceries, and Starbucks.

7. I won't have to go to movies that guys would actually be willing to see, movies where I spend the majority of the time covering my eyes and whispering, "Has the guy stopped bleeding yet?"

8. I won't keep waiting by the phone for guys who just aren't that into me.

If I don't cancel my membership...
1. I might meet someone whose company I enjoy and who makes me happy.

So far the only guys I've gone on dates with through okcupid the second time around are the guy who creeped me out a little and the British guy. The British guy texted me back two days after I sent him a text. I'd suggested that we go out a third time, and he said yes. But then I never heard from him again. I'm not sure what happened that made him change his mind, but I wish that he hadn't texted me back at all and gotten my hopes up for nothing.

Four more guys on okcupid pulled disappearing acts after the first or second e-mail. When I calculate how many disappearing acts I've dealt with on okcupid the first and second time around, as well as on eharmony and chemistry, I come up with about thirty disappearing acts. And that makes me feel tired. (And angry.) Another guy took four days to respond to my first e-mail, and more than a week to respond to my second one. (I haven't decided whether or not to write back, because it bothers me that it took him so long to respond.)

Part of me thinks that I should keep up with online dating, at least for a while longer, because who knows? Something good could happen. But I've been doing the online dating thing off and on for two years, and I'm tired. I'm tired of reading through profiles, sending and reading e-mails, and dealing with disappearing acts from losers who apparently get some kind of sick ego boost from leading on lonely single women. I'm starting to think that maybe the single life isn't so bad after all. But a part of me is afraid to give up hope.


  1. Obsessions of a Workaholic, I've followed your blog for quite a bit now and feel like I've gotten a small taste of your personality. If you were in Toronto there's no question I'd go on a date w/ you--well, as long as the feeling is mutual, of course ;).

  2. Hi William C.,
    That's very nice of you to say. I think I might be taking a break from dating soon though, especially because I need to focus on school. By the way, my screenname is actually Neurotic Workaholic; the name of my blog is Obsessions of a Workaholic.

  3. Living alone sucks. But I'd rather live alone than live with someone that I hate. I'm a guy that wanted to find a partner but it was just like you said...lines of people that just weren't interested. I gave up about three years ago. I may someday revisit dating but it is just like going on submission to literary agents. After a while, you just get tired of all the rejection slips.

  4. #'s 3 and 2 are really working against one another. From what I can tell from Twilight movie commercials, Jacob never has a shirt on. So anyone on-line who writes #2 is certainly acting like #3.

    I'm sorry it's still not working out on the dating front. There are success stories out there. And how else do women easily meet men these days?

  5. It is very tiring to do online dating and putting yourself out there, time and again. But if you don't... well... you know what I mean.

  6. Hey Neurotic Workaholic!

    As someone that has been there and given the online dating thing a whorl, I can totally relate. Of course my grammar is atrocious and I am hardly aware of this thing you refer to as spell check, so I am probably one of those people that other people read profiles and think ugh, did she skip grade school?

    When I got right down to it, and really thought about what was bothering me about online dating was that I was meeting people, who I had stuff in common with, but it was superficial. We both liked going to the movies, we both liked reading, etc. And while that's great, it didn't really leave much room to actually do stuff together. So I gave up on dating, not on finding someone, but on actively looking for someone.

    Saturday I got to talking to the woman behind me at Yom Kippur service. I didn't know anyone, and she was sitting by herself. Anyway, we got to talking and she told me, the easiest way for young people to meet other people, is to do things that interest them. Plus, if you dont meet someone that way, you are at least having fun.

  7. Hi Michael,
    Living with someone you don't like would be very stressful, especially because home is where you go to relax. I think that rejection as a writer is hard too, even though I've only just recently started sending my work out. But at least writing can be more fun than dating.

    Hi Theresa,
    I wish there were more alternatives to online dating, especially because I've already tried the major sites, except zoosk and plentyoffish. It would be nice if my experience turned into a success story, which is why I'm still trying, at least for now.

    Hi Talli,
    You're right, because if I hadn't done online dating I never would have met any of those guys. And even though there were a couple of them who weren't so nice, I don't regret the experience because I learned a lot from it.

    Hi Sara,
    That's the thing about online dating; that is, they "match" people based on common interests. But like you said, just because you both like reading doesn't necessarily mean that you're compatible with each other. The connection has to be deeper than that. On the other hand, I think it'd be hard to date a sports fanatic who expected me to watch games with him on a regular basis, because I'd just be bored all the time.

  8. " I might meet someone whose company I enjoy and who makes me happy. " - Worth the effort?

  9. Keep your chin up. And remember, sometimes having a partner isn't all it's cracked up to be either.

  10. Hi Tom,
    It is worth the effort. I just wish that it didn't require so much effort. I just hope that all this time spent on online dating will eventually lead to something (and someone) good.

    Hi Anna,
    Thanks! I suppose you're right. I wish that women had more time to have children, so that it didn't feel like I was on the clock or something. It's not like that's the only reason I'm dating, but I would like to have a family someday. Guys, on the other hand, can still be dads for decades.

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