Monday, March 13, 2017

The Girlfriend

When I found out that Small Town Guy had a new girlfriend, my reaction was basically like this:
via GIPHY

When I found out they were taking a trip out of town together and saw their pictures from the trip on Facebook, my reaction was basically like this:



via GIPHY

I thought I had let go of any feelings I had for him months ago, and truth be told, I'd already accepted a long time ago that he and I would never be more than friends. After that incident where he made me feel like my feelings didn't matter, I found myself cringing anytime someone mentioned his name.

I distanced myself from the friends I'd made here in Small Town and tried to avoid him, which isn't easy to do in a small town like this one. I swear, I keep bumping into my students everywhere: at the gym, at the local coffee shop, and once at the pharmacy, where I was buying anti-itch cream for a rash on my legs (I told the student that I ran into that "Uh, this is for a friend! Not for me, haha!").

When I finally decided to start socializing with them again, Small Town Guy was there, along with the Girlfriend (who isn't New Girl by the way, but someone who occasionally socializes with the group). He mostly ignored me, and I couldn't help but flinch when I saw him put his arm around her and listened to her say things like, "We went to that movie, and it was so romantic!"

I left after twenty minutes. Even before I found out he was dating someone, I no longer wanted to be with him (especially not after he excluded me and hurt my feelings). But still, it stung to see him with someone else.

On the one hand, it's probably for the best. I will (hopefully) be leaving Small Town pretty soon for a different job at another school in another state (if I can find one, which I won't find out about until the end of the school year). It wouldn't make sense to start something with someone when I have to leave again. I hope I can leave and find a job with a higher salary, so that I won't have to work seven days a week at two jobs anymore. (That's mainly why I've been blogging sporadically this school year.)

But on the other hand, living here finally made me realize that there has to be more to life than work. I spent all those years hiding behind my work, developing crushes on guys who just weren't that into me, which made me wonder if there was something wrong with me. Maybe I liked them because it was safer to like guys like that, because then nothing would happen and I could refocus on my work. Or maybe I'm just man repellent.

If and when I move to a new place, I've decided to try online dating again once I get settled. I've been thinking that I'll join Tinder, since I'm on Facebook now (you have to have a FB account in order to join). I've heard that a lot of people join it for hookups, but other people have ended up with more serious relationships because of it. Maybe it'll work out for me this time. Or maybe I'll end up with another freezer full of ice cream.

11 comments:

  1. I totally get that 'I don't want him but you can't have him' feeling! I'm so happy you're looking at the positive side, of moving and dating (and ice-cream, I refuse to think a freezer full is a bad thing :-) )

    Yes, there's so much more to life than just working, but it sounds like you haven't had much choice in that for a long time. Fingers crossed you find a job that allows you some free time and spare money x

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    1. Hi Annalisa,
      I regret that I spent the majority of my 20s working, while everyone else got to enjoy being young. I don't want to have that same regret about my 30s.
      Small Town Guy and the girlfriend are hosting a party soon, and I've been invited. I'm debating whether to go or to make up an excuse, like maybe that I have an appointment with an acupuncturist.

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    2. If you know it'll be too uncomfortable for you, that might be a good idea :-)

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  2. I think it's often hard to see someone we used to have feelings for, even if we've moved on. I hope you find a better job in a better place. And good luck if you decide to join Tinder.

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    1. Hi Theresa,
      I've already been rejected by a few schools, so there's a chance I could end up staying. But I'm hopeful nonetheless, because I did get more than one job offer when I was still a PhD candidate. I have my PhD now, so hopefully I'll be able to find something.
      I've heard some bad things about Tinder, but I don't really want to try okcupid or match again. At the very least it'll give me something to blog about.

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  3. *hands over the cheese* Yup, time for a new start, if you can get one. I'm so sorry. =( It doesn't matter that things are the way they are. Feelings are still feelings. Hopefully you can experience them, cleanse and move forward. I'm wishing that for you.

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    1. Hi Crystal,
      I think I'd kept my feelings suppressed all this time, and most of the time, I managed not to think about them. But the girlfriend made me remember them all over again. But thank you for your support, though; I appreciate it, as always. :) I really do hope that I can start over somewhere else; I hope that it will be better the next time around.

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  4. Let's agree that he's a tool, and you're better off.

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    1. Hi Charly,
      I think I am better off. I hope that someday I find someone who isn't a tool and who feels the same way about me.

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  5. It's always good to look at the positive side. Maybe he is a bad boyfriend. In which case, you should count your blessings. ;)

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    1. Hi Chrys,
      I don't think that he and I would have been right for each other. I really need to stop falling for the wrong guy. :(

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