Tuesday, April 12, 2016

You Know You're in the Friend Zone When...

1. You're a woman and the guy you like addresses you as "bro," "man," or "dude." (On the other hand, if you're unromantic like me, if the guy you liked addressed you as "the most beautiful woman who ever lived," you just might respond by throwing up.)

2. He reaches out to you, not to hold your hand, but to high-five you.

3. You compliment him on his appearance and he immediately changes the subject to something less flirtatious, like the national debt.

4. You mention that you're considering online dating, and rather than act jealous, he says he might join the same online dating site too.

5. He says that you remind him of his sister/mother/grandmother.

6. He talks about other women that he's interested in, while you resist the urge to run home and lie face-down on your bed while listening to angry girl singers from the nineties.

Unfortunately, it seems like as far as Small Town Guy is concerned, I am firmly in the Friend Zone. To most guys I've liked, I've always been the "funny" friend, the "smart" friend, or the "friend who thinks coffee is one of the food groups." I'm never "the one they can't stop thinking about." It's disappointing, but it's not like I can try and change their minds. You don't get to choose who you fall for.

With this guy, I tried not to get my hopes up too much, because even at the beginning of our friendship I had the feeling that it was not going to turn out the way I wanted it to. When you're still single at thirty-five, you tend to be more pessimistic than you might have been at fifteen.

Sometimes, the possibility that I'll be alone for the rest of my life is depressing. On the one hand, it makes things easier as far as my work is concerned. If I find a good job at another school somewhere across the country, I can just pack up and move.

But on the other hand, I do want to get married and have children, and now that I'm getting older, it feels like that fantasy is becoming more and more unattainable.

There is one silver lining in this whole situation. Like I mentioned before, Small Town Guy has been kind enough to include me in his circle of friends, who have all been very nice to me. Recently, they all took me out for dinner and drinks to celebrate my thirty-fifth birthday. Several of them brought gifts for me, which I hadn't been expecting. It made me feel glad that I moved here, met them, and finally stopped working long enough to let these friendships develop.

What about you? Have you ever been in the friend zone?

In honor of the theme of this today's post, here's Danielle Bradbery's song, "Friend Zone." (Yes, it's country. Blame it on the fact that apparently 90% of the restaurants and stores in this Small Town play nothing but country music, and CMT is their favorite channel, other than Fox News.)


  1. Being in the friend zone can be tough, but as you said, you've made more friends from it. At least there's that!

    1. Hi Emily,
      It's nice to have a social life in Small Town; to be honest, I really wasn't expecting to have one, especially because I didn't know anyone when I moved here. I figured that most of the people my age would have spouses and kids and be too busy to hang out.

  2. This made me chuckle. I've been in the friend zone a lot.

    1. Hi Chrys,
      Thanks! I wish I could get out of the friend zone, if only just once.

  3. Yep, the friend zone has been my hangout place for a long time. But, don't give up hope. The next guy you want to date, definitely make it sure you don't want to just be friends. No more playing it safe;) If you see a guy you like, make it clear. You never know. Me, I rather like being single. However, I might change my mind in a few years. You are definitely worth marrying. You just have to believe it. I'm happy you have friends you can hang out with. You need some fun.

    1. Hi Murees,
      Sorry about my late reply; I've been so bad about blogging these past few months.
      I thought about just being honest with Small Town Guy, but the thing is that I hang out pretty regularly with him and his friends. So I was afraid that it would get awkward if he didn't feel the same way.
      It is good to have fun more often. For far too long I've been mainly focused on work.

  4. Ugh, that just sucks. I'm sorry things aren't working out for you and Small Town Guy. BUT. Maybe it will turn out that your soul mate turns out to be a friend of a friend or something like that? You never know. :-)

    1. Hi Misha,
      I'm starting to think that I don't have a soul mate; I feel like at age 35, I would have met him by now. But maybe (hopefully) I'm wrong.