Monday, December 15, 2014

All I Want for Christmas

1. Is for my parents to stop insisting that only they know where I should work and live and to recognize the fact that I have the right to decide where I will work and live, because as a thirty-three-year-old adult, I no longer need their permission to do anything anymore. (But on the other hand, if I keep waiting for them to recognize that fact, not only will I wait forever, it'll be like I'm still waiting for their permission.)

2. Is for my neighbors to stop waking me up at 2 A.M. with "WHOOOO!! Who needs sleep when we can PAR-TAY? HAHAHAHA!", to which I shriek from my window, "When the zombie apocalypse happens, I'm going to send the zombies after YOU!"

3. Is to receive at least one offer letter by the end of this school year from a good college with students who will be willing to put their cell phones down long enough to learn how to read, appreciate, and write about fine literature.

4. Is for my parents to stop telling me that I'm an old maid and a spinster (and yes, they have called me both) because I'm in my thirties, unmarried, and childless, and for them to stop acting as if that's a crime and a tragedy.

5. Is to successfully defend my dissertation this spring and also be able to resist the temptation to yell at all the other grad students, "I am finally free of ALL of you! YAAAAYYYY!!!" and to also resist the temptation to set off firecrackers and dance across campus after saying that.

6. Is to FINALLY complete my Ph.D. this spring and find one teaching job with a salary that pays enough to cover all my expenses and leaves me with some money left over to put in a savings account, so that I never have to work two or three jobs again.

7. Is to be able to walk into any store or cafe without wanting to scream, "ENOUGH with the Christmas carols! Isn't it bad enough that we all have to deal with long lines, crowded stores, and customers who will elbow us in the face to get the last product being featured in the holiday sale?"

8. Is to meet a nice guy by next Christmas who actually makes an effort to show me that he cares about me, not another guy who just isn't that into me and takes several hours to text back "k".

9. Is to eat Christmas cookies without cursing myself on the treadmill afterwards.

10. Is for all the people who are alone, poor, or hungry on Christmas to find the help that they need from kind friends or generous strangers, not like the heartless monster I saw recently who yelled at a homeless man who was standing on a street corner and begging for spare change. She told him to "get a job" and that he should be ashamed of himself. I stepped between that bitch (pardon my language) and that homeless man, glared at that woman (who apparently is the spawn of Satan), and gave that guy some money while telling him to ignore jerks like that. (The heartless monster, by the way, said nothing more after I stepped in. Apparently she has the nerve to berate a homeless person but not someone whose economic status is not that much different from hers. As I stated on Twitter, I hope that people like her get a giant box of karma for Christmas.) I wished I could have done more to help him.

What about you? What's on your Christmas wish list?

18 comments:

  1. A spinster?? Yes, because you're SO old (notice the abundant sarcasm). I'd like to send zombies after my neighbors, too.

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    1. Hi Sarah,
      A few years ago, on my birthday, my mother reminded me that I wasn't getting any younger and that I was now a spinster. I wish I could say that was the only time she said that.

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    1. Hi Lynda,
      I know, right? And I do love gingerbread cookies.

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  3. That is so cool you stepped in front of that woman. Let's hope you gave her lots to think about...assuming she's capable fo thinking, which is a rather large assumption.

    Do NOT let your parents get to you. Getting married & having kids won't stop them - trust me. My mum finds all kinds of little ways to berate me all the time, even though she truly is one of the nicest people in the world. Must be a mom thing.

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    1. Hi Nicki,
      I wish I could say that that's the only time that I've seen someone treat a homeless person like that, but it's not. Once I saw a guy tell a homeless man that he was going to call the cops on him for begging; he laughed as he said it. I glared at that guy, who stopped laughing and walked away. Part of me wished I was physically strong enough to do more than just glare at him, so that he'd never try to ridicule a homeless person again.
      You're right that getting married and having kids wouldn't stop my parents' criticism and "advice". Then they'd just start telling me what kind of wife and mother I should be. But a long time ago, I learned to filter out most of what they said and do what felt right to me instead.

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  4. Sticking it through a PhD, standing up to your parents, working 3 jobs, giving a homeless person some dignity, and trying to find love and success makes you a hero in my book.
    I hope you get all your wishes.
    And I'm with you on the carols....

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    1. Aw, thanks Theresa! I hope you get all your wishes this holiday season too.
      I liked Christmas carols when I was a kid. Then I worked in retail for years and had to listen to those carols over and over again for hours at a time. The worst part was that they'd often play different versions of songs like "Winter Wonderland" and "This Christmas" sung by different musicians, so that by the end of my shifts it was all I could do not to run screaming in agony from the store with my hands over my ears.

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  5. Wow. That lady really yelled at the homeless man? Good for you for standing up to her!
    I didn't know people still use "spinster." That makes me snort. It's just so... Jane Austen-esque!
    I hope you get everything you want for Christmas, NW. :)

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    1. Hi Emily,
      I wanted to yell at HER, but it's not really safe to yell at strangers (though yelling at my neighbors is different), especially in Chicago.
      My parents are kind of old-fashioned; although they want me to have a career (though they didn't want me to become a teacher), they continue to pressure me to "grow up and settle down" by becoming a wife and mother.
      I hope you get everything you want for Christmas too!

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  6. can I hug you?? man! first off, I am married and with kids and my parents will ALWAYS think they need to tell me what I should be doing/not doing in my thirties too no matter what. us children are doomed I guess. and my hubs is notorious for texting "k" way-hey later. annoying!! but the one I want for you this year from me..a man. I want you to experience a good man that will text ya seconds later! and ps your so beautiful!! keep believing more in you and less in what others think or do, they can be so cruel if we let them.

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    1. Hi Tammy,
      Yes, hugs! And thank you for your kind words; it's good for me to read them, especially since I have to visit my parents next week and listen to their "advice" (i.e., criticism) for a week. I've tried telling my parents that I have the right to live my own life without constant input from them, but now I just live my own life and ignore most of their input. And it would be nice to find a good man, especially since I've met and dated too many guys who weren't so nice.

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  7. I hope you get everything you wish for. Have a Merry Christmas and a wonderful New Year!

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    1. Hi Murees,
      Thanks! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you too! And I hope that you also get everything on your wish list.

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  8. I hope you get all of those things and much more - you deserve it. Have a lovely Christmas, and simply smile when your parents tell you how you should be living. Merry Christmas :-)

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    1. Hi Annalisa,
      I'll be doing a lot of "smiling" next week, since I'll be visiting my parents then. And I hope you have a great Christmas too!

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  9. I think the last one is on my list. :) I think the fact that people are willing to help others is enough, whatever happens with whatever help you give another person, isn't on you.

    Good luck with your dissertation and finding a job! That will be such an incredible time for you! Stressful, but wonderful all the same!

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    1. Hi Ashley,
      Thanks! It has been stressful, which is why it will be such a relief when the process is over and I (hopefully) get my dissertation approved. I just want to finally move on with my life.
      I really do hope that people like that homeless man get what they want and need for Christmas, and I hope that that woman who berated him will regret her cruelty towards him.

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