For the past few weeks, I've had an unrequited crush on someone. I don't want to give away too many revealing details about who he is, because then he might find my blog and recognize himself and OH DEAR GOD, THAT JUST CANNOT HAPPEN BECAUSE IF HE FINDS MY BLOG HE'LL THINK I'M EVEN WEIRDER THAN HE (AND EVERYONE ELSE) ALREADY DOES.
I will say that he's funny, smart, nice, cute, and easy to talk to. He's also only gotten on my nerves on three separate occasions, which is at least fifty-seven times less than the average person. He's someone I've known for a while. I never really thought about him like THAT before. But we were talking one day and for some reason I suddenly saw him in a new light, and I recognized all those good qualities that he had. I found myself thinking about him...a LOT, even more than I think about coffee, books, and the reasons why the average person bugs me. If that's not a crush, then what is?
He's the first person I've had a crush on in a long time. It's also the first time in years that I've had a crush on someone who I didn't meet on an online dating site first. The last time I had a crush on a guy that I didn't meet online was about five years ago, when I started socializing with other people my age at my church. We used to go out to dinner together, and there was a guy who was good-looking, friendly, and genuinely kind to everyone. AND he went to Mass every Sunday! What was not to like?
Unfortunately, that guy didn't like me back. He liked another girl who went out to dinner with us, someone who was at least fifteen pounds thinner than me and actually knew how to put on makeup and walk in heels without falling over. I never told him how I felt. I doubted that it would even matter to him.
I haven't told this new guy how I feel either because a) he's planning to move away soon; b) if he liked me, I think he probably would have asked me out by now, because he's not the shy type; c) based on certain things he's told me, there's someone else that he's thinking of right now. It feels like what happened with that other crush all over again.
At first I thought I only liked this new guy because of all the online dating profiles where guys specified that they were looking for women who "look like Natalie Portman, but I'll settle for someone who looks like Scarlett Johansson" and the guys who indicated that they didn't want to date women who weighed more than the guys' weight limit (I am not making this up). I thought I only liked him because of all the dates I'd gone on with the wrong guys. I thought maybe I liked him because I was lonely. But the more that I thought about him, the more I realized that I liked him because of HIM.
I'm embarrassed to admit that once I realized I had a crush on him, I immediately thought of all the reasons he would never like me. I'm not thin enough. I'm too neurotic, too much of a workaholic, and I want to start carrying around a whoopee cushion that I can use against people who bug me. One reason I view myself in this way is that when I was growing up, there were people who constantly made me feel like I wasn't good enough. There are still people who make me feel that, and sometimes it's hard not believe them. I know that they're wrong, but...
It's just a crush. It'll go away eventually. And maybe the next time I have a crush on someone, he'll actually like me back. And he'll NEVER make me feel like I'm not good enough. He'll also come with me to buy whoopee cushions.
What about you? Have you ever had an unrequited crush on anyone? How did you deal with it?
This video doesn't have anything to do with unrequited crushes, but it does make me feel better about not being in a relationship. It also makes me like Kerry Washington and Jay Pharoah even more.
Co-Hosting IWSG Day! Plus OFMD Airport Con and Sauti Poems of Hope
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welcome to the final *Insecure Writer's Support Group Day* for this year!
Happy to be co-hosting today!
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3 days ago
Wanna hear something embarrassing? (she says on the internet...)
ReplyDeleteI confessed an unrequited crush once, and the guy's friend-who-was-a-girl came to me the next day and confronted me with it, asking why I'd put him on the spot...
Why didn't the floor open up and swallow me????
Hi Deniz,
DeleteThat was so mean of that girl to do that to you; what business was it of hers to get involved? I'm so sorry that happened to you. I think it was very brave of you to tell your crush how you felt; at least then you weren't left wondering what could have happened.
yow, that's AWFUL. Something tells me that "friend" may have been harboring feelings for the bachelor in question too...just a thought. And yes, bravo for saying something, hope you aren't scarred!
DeleteHi New York Cliche,
DeleteI wonder if that "friend" was being more possessive than protective.
I asked a guy out once (which is something I never used to do) He was like...um...okay. Then he had his friend cancel. Last time I did that.
ReplyDeleteHi Melanie,
DeleteI wish I had your courage; it takes a lot of courage to ask someone out. I can only do it through an online dating site; I'm sorry to say. I'm sorry about that guy, though. That was really rude of him (and his friend) to do that.
There's something about crushes- so good when requited, so agonizing when not. But I've found they're usually based more on fantasy than anything else. I can't wait form my next crush, even if it's unrequited, simply because a love-interest will help eradicate all thoughts of my asshole ex from my mind! That's what I'm saying now anyway. Hope your crush doesn't leave you crushed! Even though it sucks, there's still something nice about finding someone who can make you feel that way, right?
ReplyDeleteHi New York Cliche,
DeleteYes, it is nice, because it's been a long time since I felt that way about anyone. There was a part of me that thought I had become numb to any kind of romantic feelings; it's nice to know I was wrong.
You're right that crushes are often based more on fantasy; that's how it's usually been for me. I hope your next crush will be a great guy who makes you happy!
I have a crush on movie stars sometimes. Yeah, never gonna happen. :)
ReplyDeleteSorry you don't think this guy will like you back. That always stinks. But it does feel nice to have your heart flutter every once in a while, even if you know it won't go anywhere.
Hi Emily,
DeleteI have crushes on movie stars too; I don't know any in real life, though. I wish this guy did like me back; it would be really nice. But I don't think it'll ever happen. You're right that it's nice to have your heart flutter; I haven't felt anything real for anyone in a long time, not even for most of the guys I met on online dating sites.
I think everyone has had an unrequited crush at some point. (Even Natalie Portman.) ;) It's so hard to know if it's unrequited, though! It is really hard to ask someone out, for men and women. Maybe ask him out? I mean, if he's moving anyway then it won't be awkward for long, right? :)
ReplyDeleteHi Rachel,
DeleteI wish I had the courage to ask him out. It's easier to do it online when I'm talking to some guy I met on a dating site; that is, it's much easier to invite someone out for coffee through e-mail than to say it in person. He's not moving away just yet, which means I'd still have to see him regularly if he were to turn me down.
I hear you. But you never know if you don't ask. Try keeping it casual, just out for coffee or something, and if he says no then at least you know. :) Good luck!
DeleteHi Rachel,
DeleteThanks for the advice! I kind of feel like the Cowardly Lion who thought he didn't have any courage, even though he had it all along.
It's so hard liking someone and not knowing if they like you too. The way I see it, if he's moving what do you have to lose?
ReplyDeleteHi Theresa,
DeleteThat's a good point. One thing that keeps me from asking him is that I see him around on a regular basis. So if he says no, I'll still have to see him and it'll be awkward. But maybe (and hopefully) I'll get the courage to say something before it's too late.
I asked mine out and got no response, not yes, not no, not maybe. Nothing. :(
ReplyDeleteI asked mine out and got no response, not yes, not no, not maybe. Nothing. :(
ReplyDeleteHi Usagi,
DeleteI'm sorry that happened to you! Your crush should have given you a definite answer either way.