One of the most common writing tips I've heard was, "Write what you know." I guess that rules out writing about cooking, because when I think of "cooking", I think, "Open freezer, take food out of box, and put into oven." I also think, "Pick up phone and order pizza."
I also don't know anything about professional sports. When I think of the Superbowl, I think, "Yay! This is the one day of the year where I won't be tempted to wrestle anyone for getting the last doughnut at Starbucks, because everyone else will be at home watching TV!" or "Ah, the Superbowl. Yet another excuse for my neighbors to get drunk."
They say that writers can do research to learn more about the topics they're unfamiliar with. But if I have to watch the Superbowl (or any football game, for that matter), I might as well stop drinking coffee, take a day off, and just relax. And that would just be MADNESS, I tell you!
I've been struggling with my manuscript lately. I love reading chick lit, and I like writing it too. But at the heart of most chick lit novels is a love story. And that's a problem for me, because I've never been in love.
I know what it's like to like someone. I also know what it's like to lust after someone. (On the other hand, if the muscular guys at the gym stopped wearing tank tops, I probably wouldn't know what lust even means.) And looking back on my teenage years, I remember what it's like to be infatuated with someone, to the point that I wrote his name all over my notebooks, drew little hearts, and imagined dancing with him in a Backstreet Boys video (you roll your eyes at me now, but you KNOW what it feels like).
But it's difficult for me to describe my main character in love without using a bunch of cliches, like a pounding heart and sweaty hands. But my heart pounds and my hands get sweaty when I work out at the gym, or when I'm running away from the health foods store and in the direction of the candy store, or when I think of what the country will be like if Perez Hilton becomes President.
It's easy for me to write about how my main character feels when she's disappointed, ignored, or insulted by her dates, seeing as how all of those things have happened to me. But when I think of all the dates that I've been on in the past couple years, I can think of only one date where I actually had fun and genuinely liked the guy. (And even he didn't call.)
I could write about how I imagine it feels like, or how I've observed it from seeing other people in love. I could also write about someone like me: someone who has never been in love but wants to be.
Or maybe I could compare it to other things I love. I don't love wearing miniskirts, but I do love to make fun of the people who wear them when it's five degrees out.
I don't love it when some of my students make excuses about why they didn't do their homework (AGAIN!), but I do love it when their eyes light up about a story that we're reading in class.
I don't love my morning commute on the train because of rush hour, the fact that trains are often late, and the people who insist on cramming themselves into the train even when it's OBVIOUS that it's already too full and then yell at everyone to move back (which prompts me to yell, "MOVE BACK? HOW ABOUT YOU MOVE AWAY, TO THE SUBURBS?"). But I do love the Chicago-style pizza (Giordano's is the best!), sitting by the lake when it's warm out and watching the water move, and wearing the same black down coat (and three layers of clothing underneath) that everyone else wears during the winter, which makes me feel like a true Chicagoan.
Those kinds of love are different from romantic love, which makes romantic love all that much more difficult to describe. But I don't want to wait to finish my manuscript until after I fall in love,
because what if that doesn't happen until after Perez Hilton becomes President?
So I'm going to keep trying to write about it. And I suppose I will keep learning more about cooking, too. It would be a lot easier to just buy a cookbook instead of a fire extinguisher.
What about you? Do you think it's possible to write a love story even if you've never been in love? Do you "write what you know", or do you do research for your stories?
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3 hours ago
For me its easier to write a love story when I'm NOT in love. Don't ask me why it just is. If I try to write one when I am in love then I try to describe what it ACTUALLY feels like, how his hands felt on my skin, what the after shave smelled like what the hot breath on the nap of my neck made me feel like and it can't be done. I cant grasp that since of truth. So when I write when I'm not in love I can tell what I want to happen , How she felt when he reached for her pulling her close smelling her hair, brushing her cheek with his finger tips as he moves to kiss her.
ReplyDeleteBy the way yes I am in love now, and have moved to writing murder mystery or crime stories with hints of romance- way easier, because I have other elements to draw from.
Hi Connecting to the soul,
DeleteI like your description; it's got some vivid details! Maybe it's easier to write when you're not in love because you can look back and see things in a different or new light. I think crime stories and murder mysteries with hints or romance are interesting; I haven't read a lot of mysteries, but I'd like to start reading more of them. I met a mystery writer once when I worked in a bookstore, and the way he talked about his work made me intrigued.
I love this post! I felt/feel much the same with acting. When I moved to NYC I as so inexperienced and naive, I truly took on the mission of gaining life experience to make me a better actor. I've never been in love either. But I have been close enough to imagine it and extrapolate on that into something (hopefully) believable. This is harder to do with writing as it's much more black and white in text than in action/voice/expression.
ReplyDeleteHi New York Cliche,
DeleteI didn't consider it from the point of view of an actor, but you bring up some good points. Actors, after all, have to take on the roles of several different people and professions that they've never been or had, but they can do it convincingly so that you forget that they're playing the part, so to speak.
And sorry I haven't commented on your blog lately. I've been reading your posts, but I'm still afraid that if I put in my e-mail address my comment will link back to my e-mail account like last time. (The same thing happened when I put my e-mail address down on other blog posts that required e-mail addresses. I'm not sure why, since I've put my e-mail address down before and it didn't happen until recently.) But thank you again for being so quick to remove the link last time!
No worries! My comment settings are minimal security- you can comment with out leaving an email address! Thanks for reading regardless!
DeleteI'd assume that everyone's experience of love is different anyway, we don't all get palpitations at the sight of his sock on the floor for example... but someone might. I always write about emotions I haven't experienced.
ReplyDeleteHi Annalisa,
DeleteYou're right that everyone's experience of love is different; come to think of it, a lot of the chick lit authors describe love in different ways. I like the ones whose descriptions surprise me and make me see love from a new perspective.
I think you should write what you know.
ReplyDeleteAlthough. Back in the day, I used to write very smutty fanfiction. But I was very much a virgin (as in, never even been kissed,) so all of my description was not even close to first hand. And yet, now that I am anything but a virgin, I can reread those pieces I wrote and many of them are surprisingly on point! So who knows. Maybe you can fake it convincingly. It's worth a shot?
Hi mmarinaa,
DeleteYou should keep those pieces that you wrote, because you could use them in other stories, especially since they are on point. And thanks for the advice! I think it would be worth it to at least try to write about love; after all, I've been trying for a while now, and it's kind of fun to try, even if it's also difficult sometimes.
One of the best parts of a romance, for me, is reading about the initial coming together of the characters - first the looks, the conflict between them, the gradual getting to know each other, then the touch on the hand or the arm... I guess what I'm trying to say is that all those beginning steps are fun to explore in characters even if your journey isn't exactly the same.
ReplyDeleteMaybe?
Hi Deniz,
DeleteThat's a good point! I always like to read about how the characters meet for the first time too. I think it's especially interesting when they don't like each other at first, because then I get to find out how their feelings change. And I think I will try and and explore those issues, because it's better than just waiting until I fall in love (which hopefully will happen eventually) before I write anything else.
Love is a big one and I do think it would be hard to write about in an accurate way without having experienced it. I had two thoughts while reading this post. One, have you read classic books about love, Jane Austen, Henry James and such. Probably, you have. The second thought was maybe write about not being in love. If you're experiencing something chances are good many other people are too. Third thought, you'd have to fight ME for the last doughnut at Starbucks because I am sports clueless!! But not doughnut clueless!
ReplyDeleteHi Johanna,
DeleteSorry your comment didn't show up right away; for some reason some of the comments keep ending up in spam! But I unmarked it as spam, so...
I have read Jane Austen, and I LOVE her. I think it's interesting that she wrote love stories but never married; I can't help wondering if any of the men she portrayed in her books were based on men she actually had feelings for, or if her stories were based on her own fantasies of what she wanted her life to be like. I've read a few of Henry James' stories, too, but I'm less familiar with him.
Fight for the doughnut? But I would prevail! Bwahahahaha!!!!:
I definitely think you can write about love (or anything, really) without having experienced it. Your story will just have to be different from the expected or usual--which is a damned good thing!
ReplyDeleteHere's the thing: What have you imagined it might be like? You're not like MOST people, because you aren't most people, so write what you think it'll be like for you. Maybe you aren't the type who gets all sweaty or heart beaty (?), maybe you'll just be clumsy as hell. Maybe the way you'll REALLY know you're in love isn't when you kiss him/her for the first time, but the when you allow him/her to use your toothbrush--because that's a big freaking deal for you, and you wouldn't let your mom use your toothbrush.
The reality with love, and most things in life, is that there isn't a true pattern (as much as we like to think there is). You just have to make it your own.
Hi E.J. Wesley,
DeleteThanks for the advice! It makes me feel better about writing about love, because you're right; if and when I do experience love, it may not be the same for me as it is for other people. I do tend to be clumsy around guys I have crushes on, because I often feel shy and nervous around them. But I don't think I could let anyone else use my toothbrush though. I tend to be very territorial about those types of things. :)
Oh my gosh, this made me laugh! I know what you mean. For instance, I've never been kidnapped or held at gunpoint. So how can I relay how my character feels during that moment?
ReplyDeleteI think you have it right when you compare it to something you DO love. Even if you have to compare it to a yummy piece of chocolate :)
Hi Julie,
DeleteI do love chocolate, which is why I always keep a stash of it in my apartment. I also keep fruit in my apartment, but I kind of wish that all the fruit were also chocolate-covered. :)
I read in an author interview in Writer's Digest about how a writer compared the fear that one of his characters felt in a life-or-death situation can be compared to the fear that a parent feels when he or she loses his or her child, if only for a few seconds (at least, I think he said something like that). He said that a lot of people can relate to that, so I think he drew from that kind of fear for his own stories. So maybe I will draw from my feelings towards other things when describing love, at least until I (hopefully) fall in love.
Fiction writers have to make up everything. Sure, human experience plays a role, but I think writers can expand their experience and delve into the unknown.
ReplyDeleteHi lbdiamond,
DeleteThat's a good point! "Delving into the unknown" is one of the reasons I like writing fiction, because I don't always know what's going to happen beforehand. It's fun to be surprised like that, and it's interesting to write about new experiences.
I think it is possible though it's certainly harder. Teen have gotten published who probably have very little experience. Men have written through the POV of a woman and vice versa. The good thing writers all have is a vivid imagination.
ReplyDeleteHi Theresa,
DeleteIt's definitely been difficult for me to write about it; it's similar to what it would be like for me to write about a devoted sports fan. I can't relate to what the fan feels, because I don't even know anything about sports. But at the same time I'm willing to at least try to write about love. And you're right that some male authors have written through a female POV; I'm thinking of Wally Lamb in particular and how he wrote She's Come Undone from the perspective of a woman. I thought he was very perceptive because he got so many things right.