Monday, January 31, 2011

I Want My Money Back

In the past few days that I've been a member of I've seen at least twenty or twenty-five members' profiles without pictures. I've been contacted by at least two or three of them. One guy with pictures in his profile did contact me, but his face was half covered with enormous sunglasses, which made me think of Jeff Goldblum's character in The Fly.

I have to wonder if any of these guys would even bother to respond to me if I didn't have any pictures in my profile (probably not). I did read through their profiles, but the majority of the guys without pictures barely write anything. A couple guys didn't even bother to include a screenname; they're simply identified as "New Member".

On the other dating sites that I joined in the past, you could choose to block someone from communicating with you. On eharmony you'd actually be able to see from someone's profile if someone chose to "close communication" with you, which basically meant that if they saw you in person they'd probably roll over and play dead or start shrieking, "Oh, NO! She found me! HELP! HELLLLPPPP!"

But for some reason I can't figure out how to block guys from contacting me on I don't even know if it's an option. So even if I click on "Not really" if the website asks if I'm interested in certain guys, the guys can still contact me. I know because it has happened more than once. That makes me worry that I might get incessant e-mails from some guy, with the messages reading something like, "This is the 57th time I've e-mailed you. Surely my persistence will win you over, no?"

Several guys who did include pictures of themselves also included pictures of their dogs. Not themselves with their dogs, just their dogs. That makes me wonder if they just really love their pets and want to show them off to the world, or if they are secretly werewolves and the dog pictures are actually what they look like when the moon is full.

On this website they don't have the option of sending "winks" to people you're interested in; you simply click on the "Yes, I'm interested" button and the website will let them know.

One guy did let me know that he was interested in this way, so I sent him an e-mail because he seemed interesting. And now, one week later, I haven't heard from him. I'm wondering if it's because I mentioned that I was out of town and wouldn't be coming back to Chicago for a few days. Still, though, it's frustrating, especially since the same kind of thing happened at least ten or twelve times on eharmony.

I'm considering setting up a profile on one of the free dating sites, like, if things don't start looking up on I'm hoping to meet at least a couple guys through this site, but I'm not sure if anything is going to happen.

Maybe I should have just used the money that I spent on this membership on several pints of ice cream. Chocolate chip cookie dough has never disappointed me.

Check out this commercial from I like it because it reminds me of Daniel Powter's music video for his song "Bad Day". Although as I told Melanie (who writes the blog Lost in Singledom), I'm not sure if this dating website's connection to that song means anything ominous.


  1. How much do dating websites cost? I would suggest waiting it out a little longer perhaps?

  2. Hi gem,
    The cost varies, depending on the website. eharmony is the most expensive, I think; a three month membership is more than $100, though it's cheaper if you sign on for six months. My chemistry membership cost $50 because I found a discount online. I guess I will have to wait it out a little longer on chemistry, since I signed up for a three month membership.

  3. It's worrying that guys think a great way to showcase their being is to post photographs of only their pets... unless of course, these pets are like the Bill Gates of the dog world and know their way around a Mac better than Steve Jobs. Maybe there should be a dating site for pets?

  4. I'm seriously thinking of using my PlentyofFish profile to be really and truly honest. To say that I'm not a fan of the picture-less approach, not because I'm shallow, but because I appreciate putting a face with my communications. I can't even fathom pictures of just dogs. And I'm thinking of saying things like "Although I love terms of endearment, I look forward to finding someone to get to that point with. You probably won't hear back from me if you call me 'babe,' 'baby' or 'shorty' in your first email." I wonder if that would backfire or be so refreshing that I might get quality attention. What do you think?

    P.S. Thank you for the link! I shared your page with my Facebook followers today, too, coincidentally!

    P.P.S. I have mixed feelings about that PofF commercial. It's rather depressing and slightly inspiring all at the same time.

  5. I have no idea if they do or not, but if chemistry has a forum you might try making friends that way and get to know some of these creepos first.

    Or you could do the academic single circuit, aka conferences.

  6. Aww, I love that commercial. So sweet.

    I understand the pain of online dating. It sucks. But hang in there. I met my fiance online. It just takes one great date to turn it all around. =)

  7. Hi Alice X,
    I have pictures of my dogs on my profile, but I am shown with the dogs too. I actually saw a profile today that had a picture of what looked like a clay vase or a pot, nothing else. Maybe the guy was showing off his pottery skills?

    Hi Melanie,
    Thanks for mentioning me on Facebook! I think that your statement about terms of endearment is definitely understandable, because I wouldn't want to be called "babe" by someone I don't even know either. But on the other hand, you don't necessarily have to include that statement in your profile; just don't respond to anyone who calls you that (unless there's something else about his profile that could make you overlook it). That way, they will probably catch on that they shouldn't address women in that way.

  8. Hi Anna,
    I do need to attend more conferences anyway just because they're important for any academic. But I always feel like I'd be intimidated at those things, because everyone there is probably smarter than me. I have nightmares that once I present my research at the conferences, people will tear it apart mercilessly. That could be helpful but also disheartening.

    Hi Shannon,
    Knowing that you met your fiance online gives me hope that I could meet someone special too. But despite the fact that I've communicated with and gone on dates with a number of guys I met online, I haven't really had much success yet.

  9. I always wonder if I joined one of these sights who I would meet. I like to guinea pig myself sometimes. I don't think the boyfriend would approve but I can still wonder and live vicariously through you.

  10. Hi Hannah,
    The good thing about online dating is that you often end up meeting people that you wouldn't have met otherwise; sometimes, though, that can also be a bad thing.

  11. Yes, men who post separate pictures of their dogs probably ARE werewolves. Maybe some women only like certain types of dogs, so it's a make or break thing.

    Can you easily contact about the issues? They shouldn't make things so difficult. There should be a requirement on all of these sites to post pictures. It seems sneaky not to post one.

    I like the video. Join it. At least you won't be out any pints of ice cream.

  12. Hi Theresa,
    I don't know if they can require members to post pictures on the sites, but the sites do say that members have a much better chance of getting matches if they post pictures in their profiles. On okcupid, there were several profiles where the guys would only show their bare chests but not their faces. That made me wonder if maybe they were just really proud of their chests or if they had girlfriends and didn't want them to find out about the online dating memberships.

  13. I'm pretty picky with my online dating - just like "real" dating as well..

    If a guy just "winks" at me, I won't do anything about it - if he doesn't make the effort to write a personalised message, he's not worth my time. If someone does send a message but hasn't got a picture up, I'll ask them for a picture. Because there has to be physical attraction as well as the other stuff too!

    Online dating is still a bit of a freaks&geeks meeting at times. You have to pick the right site to meet the right kind of people. I like for the simple reason that it has the most people in my area and it's an established site. And most importantly; you can choose who can contact you!

  14. Hi Susie Q,
    I did send winks to guys on and okcupid at first, but I finally decided it was better to send e-mails; that way I could say hi and say a little bit about myself that wasn't in the profile, and I could ask the guys a couple questions too. I found that guys were actually a lot more likely to respond to e-mails than winks.
    You're right about how it's important to pick the right site, since not all of them are the same. I think that some sites are specifically for people looking for relationships, and other sites are more for people who don't want relationships.