Friday, July 9, 2010

Don't Judge Me for My Groceries

I am a terrible cook. I can't heat up Pop-Tarts or frozen pizza without burning it. I can't even make Easy-Mac right, because somehow it always ends up tasting like crunchy cheese crumbs; I don't think mac and cheese is supposed to be crunchy, or is it? I've tried following recipes from a variety of sources, but almost every time I cook, I've ended up coming this close to setting the food/the kitchen/myself on fire. And since I live alone, that means I'm stuck eating leftovers for the next several meals.

So I usually buy the prepared meals at Whole Foods. This grocery store is pricier than Jewel-Osco and Dominick's, but I really like it there. Their produce is really fresh and delicious, and their employees are always helpful and friendly. And their prepared meals are really good too, and it's usually cheaper and healthier than buying takeout every night.

On the other hand, I get this complex about shopping for food, because I feel like the cashier is judging me for my groceries and can tell that I'm single since most of the meals would only feed one person. You could argue that the groceries that a single person buys is similar to the food that a workaholic buys; after a long workday, the last thing I want to do is spend an hour standing in my kitchen cooking and cleaning up.

Also, when I go to Dominick's or Jewel, I feel self-conscious because I often buy M&Ms and Froot Loops. Not the healthiest choices, I admit, but I figure it's okay as long as I eat everything in moderation and exercise regularly. But I always feel like the cashier is silently judging me as he or she rings up my junk food.

But then I remember what it was like when I was a grocery store cashier back in high school; I couldn't care less what people bought. All I cared about was getting each person through my lane as quickly as possible. I didn't remember people's food, but I did remember the customers who argued with me over prices. I also disliked the customers who treated cashiers like a bank, particularly the ones who demanded fives and tens (which I never had enough of to begin with) for their change or paid for a fifty-cent gum purchase with a five hundred dollar bill. Guess what, people: cashiers have a limited amount of cash in their drawers, so when you treat us like a bank like that, it slows the whole line down because then we have to get more change.

Anyway, yesterday I went to Whole Foods to stock up on some food for the week. I went up to one of the employees.

Me: Are you going to be selling lasagna again anytime soon?

Employee: No. We're probably not going to have that available until the fall. Now that it's summer we're serving lighter foods. Would you like anything else? (looks pointedly at the kung pao tofu and the grilled vegetables)

Me: (distracted by the brownies and cupcakes in the pastry section) I'm sorry, what?

At Whole Foods you can get a 10-cent refund if you bring your own bag for your groceries. I used to just get their paper bags, but then I felt environmentally incorrect about it; I eventually caved in and bought one of their bags.

Cashier: Thank you for bringing your bag with you today! Would you like to keep your bag refund or donate it to charity?

Me: Say you want to keep it! Thirteen bag refunds equals one iTunes, which equals that new Miley Cyrus song you haven't bought yet! But then if you keep it, the cute cashier will think you're greedy because you just spent all this money on groceries but won't spare a dime for charity! You can donate it.

Cashier: (finishes ringing up my groceries) Will this be cash or credit?

Me: (distracted by the cute guys in other lanes ringing up and bagging groceries) What? Oh, um, cash.


Check out this funny video from Improv Everywhere (their videos are on Youtube and they're hilarious!). Maybe if this kind of thing happened in the grocery store, it might make shopping more fun.

13 comments:

  1. Whenever people ask me if I want to make a donation for charity in a grocery store, I feel totally obliged to do it. I guess I feel like if I'm privileged enough to have the means to go to a swanky grocery store like Whole Foods, I should accept my penance and donate like a good little leftie. But I agree with you that sometimes I wish I could be a little more selfish with my donations!!

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  2. I tried to watch this video, but my computer crashed. Old thing.

    I'm amazed when people can't cook. I'm no gourmet chef, but I love to cook. If you ever want some easy recipes, let me know.

    For the two years I cashiered, I rarely judged customers for what they bought. Not bagging or bringing more than ten items to express was another story...

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  3. I LOVE the improv everywhere folks. They make me happy. One of these days I'll stalk the LA chapter.

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  4. Haha I ALWAYS think they are judging the stuff in my cart too! Since it's mostly wine, cupcakes, and girly magazines who knows what they think. I seriously think half the awkward things in life happen just in your head though. Blogging makes it all better ;)

    xx,
    Delilah

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  5. Hi NGS,
    I usually donate too, because you're right about how it's important to help other people out if we can afford to.

    Hi Theresa,
    That's strange that the computer didn't work; you can check out their website at improveverywhere.com, and maybe it'll work from there?
    Thanks for the offer about the recipes. I just might take you up on that someday, as soon as I figure out how to stop setting off my smoke detector.

    Hi Margaret,
    I like them too. I wish they'd do something like that around here.

    Hi Delilah,
    You're right; blogging does make it better! I think it helps me deal with the stuff I obsess over.

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  6. Mac 'n cheese isn't supposed to be crunchy unless you add bread crumbs or croutons, but this is w/ the made from scratch kind.

    Whole Foods sounds like your best solution as they don't sell much junk food there & the ready made meals are really good. Seems like the best solution for you. Try the Greek spinach pie (Spanakopita).

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  7. I can't purchase regular groceries at Whole Foods but I love going there and splurging on a few items twice a month.

    PS, I <3 the Improv Everywhere group too! I saw that video a few weeks ago and couldn't stop smiling! :o)

    ~Naomi

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  8. Glad to find a fellow workaholic! I am in grad school and working full time, and I somehow find time to blog too:) Prepared meals are the way to go when you are busy. I will have to check out Whole Foods. Found you on 20sb.

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  9. Hi notesfromnadir,
    Thanks for the food recommendation! I'll check it out.

    Hi Naomi,
    I like splurging at Whole Foods too; I figure it's worth it because the food's really good.

    Hi classycareergirl,
    It's great to find a fellow workaholic too! It sounds like you are busy! Yes, do check out Whole Foods; I really like it there.

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  10. love whole foods, but it is pricey.
    i don't know how it is in chicago, but in my part of town the employees are notorious for being pretentious hipsters with a cause. so it's pretty easy not to care what the eyebrow pierced, elmo shirt wearing cashier thinks about me not bringing in my own bag.

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  11. Hi mi,
    Somehow the hipsters make me feel self-conscious. I don't think I could ever pass for one.

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  12. Great group (I've checked out some of their other videos, they are hilarious).

    Don't worry so much. So what if they are judging you? Get them back and write a story about them. That is what Dave Sedaris does, lol.

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  13. Hi Lissa,
    Dave Sedaris is one of my favorite authors. He's interesting because he rarely talks back to anyone in his stories, but then he does get back at them by writing about them.

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