At first, Bumble seemed like an upgrade from Tinder. For one thing, there were far fewer half-naked pictures of guys posing with their phones in the bathroom, nor were there as many profiles written by couples looking for a "third wheel" (insert shudder here). I did, however, see several wedding pictures where the guy was looking lovingly at his bride, as well as one where the guy was actually proposing to his girlfriend. In one of those profiles, the guy wrote, "I'm just looking for someone I can talk to other than my wife." (It's too bad that we haven't yet developed technology that allows us to reach through our phones and slap someone in the face.)
I noticed that several of the guys who'd posted profiles on Tinder were also on Bumble, including the Artist. On Bumble, I quickly "swiped left" (meaning "not interested") on the Artist's profile, though he did contact me recently, asking if I'd be free to go out again sometime soon. I thought I'd made myself clear when I ended it the first time, but apparently I was wrong. I told him that he was better off dating someone else he had more in common with, but I didn't add that when I came home from my dates with him, I immediately Googled "Should I keep dating someone I'm not attracted to?".
Recently, I've been talking to a guy on Bumble. We agreed to meet for drinks. We spent several hours talking, though I noticed that he kept checking his watch. Also, he wasn't even paying attention to me half the time I was talking. I'd start saying something but his eyes kept wandering around the room; he kept getting distracted by some loud, drunk people who apparently didn't know each other but kept hugging each other and saying, "I love you, man!" and "I love you too!"
I'm not saying a guy has to give me his undivided attention the entire time during the date, but I do want him to at least look at me and listen to me when I'm talking. On the other hand, it was hard for me to focus on him sometimes when he started talking because he was pretty boring. He kept going on and on about some topic that I had no interest in (I even said that I didn't know anything about what he was talking about, but that didn't stop him from talking about it for way too long). I ordered more soda in order to keep myself awake; I didn't want to doze off in the middle of the date because he bored me to sleep. He also kept ranting about the government's "interference" in our lives through technology. I'm not a fan of the current administration either, but he sounded like someone who's seen The Matrix way too many times.
Another thing that kept me from enjoying the date was that I kept thinking about the Model. The day after I sent him those texts about how he was sending mixed signals (none of which he responded to), I woke up regretting what I'd said. I realized that I'd overreacted. Maybe he really did have to work that night and hadn't been blowing me off at all. I felt bad about reprimanding him, so I sent him a text apologizing for how I acted. He still didn't answer.
He didn't contact me at all that week, unlike the previous weeks where we'd talked to each other almost every day. I couldn't stop thinking about him, and I found myself unable to look forward to my date with the Boring Bumble Guy. Finally, on the day of my date with Boring Bumble Guy, I sent the Model another text with another apology. This time, he texted back and invited me to come over to his house right then and there.
And I did. And I hope this doesn't make you all think less of me, but I spent the morning with him in his bed. I don't normally sleep with guys after only knowing them for a few weeks, but it was different with the Model. He made it pretty clear from the beginning what he wanted. Unlike other guys who'd propositioned me, I was intrigued by the Model (I must admit that his big muscles, great smile, and the fact that he was better-looking than all the guys I've ever dated made him especially intriguing). I knew what he wanted, and I wanted it too. But I didn't give in until that day (and don't worry, I took all the necessary precautions, including a trip to Planned Parenthood beforehand).
I liked it. I liked being with him. That night, during my date with Boring Bumble Guy (I hope the fact that I spent the morning with one guy and the evening with another also doesn't make you think less of me, though BBG didn't even get to first base with me. I would have needed alcohol, not just soda, in order to tolerate a kiss from that guy.) I kept thinking of how it felt to be in the Model's arms and to have him kiss me.
Boring Bumble Guy mentioned going out again, though I was noncommittal, saying maybe but also citing a busy schedule. He also texted me not once but twice the following week, even after I told him that I was too busy with work to talk. Either he's totally dense or he really DOESN'T listen when I talk. (And also, why is it always the guys I DON'T like who want to keep dating me?)
I went out of town during Thanksgiving break. As soon as I got back, the Model texted me, saying that he wanted to see me. So I did see him again, and one thing led to another...
I knew from the beginning that the Model was not boyfriend material. But there's something about him that I can't resist, even though my brain keeps screaming, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" I've spent my whole life doing what I was supposed to do, and for once, I wanted to get away from that. I typically date clean-cut, "guy next door" types, and the Model is more of the "bad boy" type.
But now, I think I've gotten it (and him) out of my system, and am looking for another guy next door. If the Model ever contacts me again, I will not give in to him.
Or at least, I'll try not to.
What about you? What do you think of the "bad boy" type"? What was your worst date like?
Weekly New York Minutes #27 - Every Friday I feature some fleeting moments from my week that made me stop and think, “I’m so lucky to… The post Weekly New York Minutes #27 appeared fi...
14 hours ago