Sunday, July 31, 2016

The Worst Day

I haven't blogged in a while because I've been dealing with a lot of problems, one of which included calling 911 for help.

One day I decided to get takeout after several days of my own cooking. It was raining hard when I went out, but I'd driven through thunderstorms before and thought it would be okay. I was wrong.

When I drove out onto the main road, it quickly became flooded, to the point that it was like driving through a river. I tried to pull into a parking lot, but all of a sudden my car stalled. Then my car started filling up with water. I tried to open a door, but even more water rushed in.

Meanwhile, the car kept weaving back and forth in the water. I was afraid that other cars might hit it. I kept thinking of those movies where the main character is trapped in some kind of container and the water keeps rising. I got so scared that I called 911 for help. A cop showed up a few minutes later, and she and another guy literally had to pull me out the window and help me across the street.

Once the water levels decreased, a tow truck driver brought my car to the dealership. I had to call my insurance company, who sent an adjuster out to look at the car. He said that the car was totaled and I would have to get a new one.

I spoke to my mother on the phone several times, and she kept berating me. She said that this was karma for the fact that I was a bad person.

My father was not as angry, but now he tries to micromanage my driving. For example, I have to drive out to their state (a nearly ten hour round trip) for the second time this summer to take care of their dogs while they travel. He keeps calling to tell me when and where I should drive, even though the last time I followed his instructions, the trip took two hours longer than it should have.

He said that I didn't have a right to be upset over driving there again. My father claimed that the fact that I have had to go to their state several times a year to take care of their dogs, give up my school breaks, take unpaid time off from my jobs (and lose a lot of money in the process) was nothing compared to the sacrifices that he and my mother made over the years.

A few days after I got a new car (the same kind, only a newer model), I was backing out of a parking space at the bank and accidentally hit a car that was driving out. (If I was in a cartoon, that would have been the moment I took out a sledgehammer and hit myself over the head with it.) The other driver was nice about it (but let's see how nice she is if and when she files an insurance claim), but she ended up with a small dent in her door and I got a small scratch on my bumper.

To make matters worse, someone apparently took pictures and a video of me being pulled out of my car window during the flood. They not only posted it on Facebook but it ended up in the local paper, so that random people in Small Town keep asking me, "Was that you?"

I have, however, learned several things from this. One is to always check the forecast and make sure there are no flash flood warnings. Two is to always be careful in parking lots and when driving in general. And three is to accept the fact that although they did help me with the down payment for my new car (which I appreciate, and which I will repay), I cannot rely on my parents for emotional support. They reacted the same way when I was hospitalized two years ago: they berated me, blamed me (my doctors said it wasn't my fault), and tried to micromanage my treatment (if I'd followed their advice and not my doctors', I would have needed brain surgery and possibly gone blind).

I am an adult and will not allow them to control me, though that doesn't stop them from trying. My mother keeps reminding me about how the Bible says that children should honor their parents. But I think that I deserve respect too, and I refuse to bow down to either of them.

What about you? Have you ever gotten in a car accident or had to call 911?

Tuesday, July 5, 2016

How to Get Over a Crush

1. Drive around singing along to Alanis Morissette's "You Oughta Know," R.E.M.'s "Everybody Hurts," and all of Adele's songs.

2. Watch the endings of Lifetime movies about unrequited love, which often end with a deranged woman in a wedding dress waving a knife/gun around. Then you can think to yourself, Well, I would never do THAT. Poison would be much more effective and less likely to be traced back to me. 

3. Donate food to an animal shelter, where you will tell the cats, "You will all be mine someday."

4. Text your friends, "I'm FINE," while wiping chocolate off your cell phone.

5. Join an online dating site, where you will end up blocking messages from men who are old enough to be your grandfather but claim to be in their forties.

6. Write a story about a fictionalized version of yourself who dates a fictionalized version of your crush, except she dumps him in the end, leaving him sobbing while she rides off into the sunset with George Clooney's identical twin brother.

7. Eat ice cream and resist the urge to fling it at the beautiful woman that has captured your crush's attention.

8. Work out at the gym, where you will wish you could block (or at the very least drop-kick) guys who are old enough to be your grandfather but claim to be in their forties.

9. Google "snappy comebacks for people who want to know why I'm not married yet," or better yet, write your own, stuff like, "Oh, but I AM getting married. My fiance's name is Henry, but he prefers to be called the Dark King of Evil."

10. Act like everything's normal when you're around your crush, while resisting the urge to text him the lyrics to Adele's song "Hello."

What about you? What kinds of things have you done to get over a crush?