Sunday, November 12, 2017

Swipe Left on Tinder

Things with the Model fizzled, as I knew they would. He kept asking me to send him pictures of my chest, though he used terminology that was much more crude. I said NO because a) I am not one of those people who don't see anything wrong with sending naked pictures of themselves to other people; b) phones can get stolen or hacked, and all it takes is just one of those pictures to end up on the Internet or being passed around to who knows how many people; c) reputation is very important in academia, and if just one of those pictures was accessible to my colleagues or students, then my career would be over. I'd lose everything that I've worked for all these years, and all the sacrifices I've made would be pointless.

I tried explaining that to the Model, but he kept asking. But after we met in person, his texts were much less frequent. We were supposed to go out recently, but when I texted him to confirm the date about a half hour before, he said that he couldn't go because he had to work overnight for his job. That was a lie because the type of job he has does not require him to work overnight. I think he met someone as sleazy as he is, someone who is more than willing to send him boob pics.

And did I mention that when I was reading those messages he sent about the pictures, I was eating lunch in a deli near campus, when all of a sudden my bosses showed up right behind my table and invited me to eat with them? They may or may not have seen his messages, which is why I nearly choked on my sandwich and stammered, "Uh, I was just reading an article about the Mueller investigation!" The whole time I was eating lunch with them, I kept thinking, Good God, did they see his messages? Do they think I'm some kind of nymphomaniac now? I'm really not! But if I explain that to them and they didn't see his messages, then they really will think I'm a nymphomaniac! I didn't say anything about the messages, and neither did they.

I remember looking into the mirror that night after he blew off our date with no real apology; I'd spent almost an hour getting ready. I wondered if he would have even bothered to tell me that he couldn't make it to the date, or if he would have just let me show up and wait in vain for him. I'd spent all week eating nothing but yogurt, fruit, and other healthy foods in an attempt to slim down and look good for him. After he broke the date I bought some takeout and scarfed down a cheeseburger and fries, thinking it might make me feel better. It didn't.

Two days later, he texted me to invite me to come over to his house. I texted back, not asking for an apology but an explanation. I asked why he kept acting hot and cold: one moment he was totally into me, and the next minute I was invisible to him. He didn't respond. I messaged him one last time a few hours later, saying that I would have been willing to see him again if he would have just talked about what happened. He didn't respond but later posted a picture of himself on Instagram that same night where he was literally staring at his phone in the picture; therefore, I know he got my messages but chose to ignore them (and me).

I did not have romantic feelings for the Model. I'll be the first to admit that it was just a physical attraction. But I find myself feeling disappointed and foolish nevertheless that I let him treat me like this. And on his Instagram page he presents himself as a really sensitive, thoughtful man, which makes his many followers fawn over him (well, they're really fawning over his big muscles), when really he's the kind of guy that makes me Google "curses" on the Internet, such as "How to make your enemy's hair fall out" and "How to make his vital appendages fall off".

I also ended things with the Artist as well, and he was really nice and understanding about it. I couldn't keep dating him, though I could have since he made it clear that he had feelings for me. But unlike the Model, the Artist is a genuinely nice guy and I didn't want to use him just so I wouldn't be alone. It wouldn't be fair to him, and he deserves to be with someone who feels the same way about him.

I'm seriously considering deleting my Tinder account, even though it's only been three weeks. I'm tired of reading profiles of guys who say they are looking for "someone to smoke weed with" or who say that they AND their wives are looking for "a hot chick to hook up with" (in those profiles, they include pictures of their wives as well).

There was a guy I'd been messaging who seemed nice, but when I suggested meeting in person for coffee, he chose that time to say that he didn't want to date anyone because he was moving soon and he only signed up for online dating because he was bored. He claimed that he didn't lead me on, but I think it is misleading to sign up for online dating if you have no intention or interest in dating someone. I think it fed his ginormous ego to make single women interested in him and then immediately reject them because it's not like there's anything wrong with that. It's okay because he's just "bored".

I'm tired of seeing profiles that make me shriek and shudder, like the one of the guy who literally included a picture of his penis in his profile.

And I'm literally tired because I haven't been getting enough sleep; I've spent so much time exchanging messages with random guys and going on these dates that I've had to stay up late and wake up early to finish my work (I do still have two jobs, after all.).

I'll keep my Tinder account open, at least for now, but I'm not going to hold my breath. At a friend's recommendation, I just signed up for Bumble, a different online dating app. It has the "swipe right if you're interested; swipe left if you're not" option that Tinder has, but unlike Tinder, women have to make the first move. That is, although men can express interest in women on Bumble by swiping right, they can't message them unless women message them first. And I like that idea. So we'll see how it goes.

In the meantime, I wrote down a couple of those curses on an index card and put it in my purse, just in case I run into the Model around College Town.

12 comments:

  1. Bumble sounds good.

    When Model invited you over that last time, I'd have been tempted to respond with a "Nah, I'm good, thanks - see you round" It sounds like he needs someone to reject him once in a while :-)

    (This probably goes someway to explaining why I don't write romance! Or maybe I should try anti-romance...)

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    1. Hi Annalisa,
      I wish I had said that; I wish that I had been the one to reject him, instead of the other way around. Maybe then I'd feel better about the situation. I thought about texting him again to apologize for how I reacted, but then it'd be like I'd be apologizing for getting upset over the crappy way he treated me.

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  2. Oh, I relate to not getting enough sleep. I don't know why or how but we seem to sleep less with age now.

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    1. Hi Romance Reader,
      I think it might have something to do with stress. When we're kids, we don't have to worry about job, debt, paying bills, etc. And it was much easier for me to deal with boys when I still thought they had cooties. :)

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  3. I tried eHarmony and after that I decided I’d never try another dating site. I’d be skeptical of dating apps. I guess I’ll just stay single. :P

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    1. Hi Chrys,
      I didn't like eharmony that much either, though one of the guys I met through that site ended up marrying someone else he met on eharmony. They matched me with guys who were "good on paper" but not so good in real life. So I'm skeptical too, which is why I've started losing hope that any of these sites or apps will work for me.

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  4. Hmm, this makes me thankful dating apps were after my time. ;-)

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    1. Hi Tara,
      So far, I think these dating apps are overrated; one problem is a lot of people act more outrageously on these apps than they would in real life.

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  5. I imagine getting to use those curses would be pretty satisfying. I haven't used any app like this but I really don't like timewasters in any situation... just don't have time for them!

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    1. Hi Nick,
      I also thought of getting a voodoo doll, but I don't think there are any places to buy one in College Town. :) There are a lot of people who've wasted my time on those dating apps, unfortunately.

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  6. Hacking is not a joke -- it just happened to a friend of mine, and a naked photo he had on his phone was plastered on all his social media profiles. Luckily only for ten minutes or so before he noticed and started shutting everything down, but still. Ugh!

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    1. Hi Deniz,
      I'm so sorry about my late response; comments on my blog are usually e-mailed to me, but for some reason this one wasn't. Sorry about that! Anyway, that's pretty scary that that happened to your friend. And that's the thing about social media: if it's out there long enough, it's impossible to take it back. I had to explain that to the Model more than once because he didn't seem to realize or care about the consequences.

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