I'm Not Buying It

When I worked in retail, the managers taught us not to take no for an answer (at least not at first) when selling items to customers. We were taught how to get customers who may have only walked in the store intending to browse to buy at least three or four items. We were also required to get as many customers to sign up for the store credit card as possible.

Yes, it can be annoying to have several cashiers a day asking you if you want the store credit card. But keep in mind that they don't have a choice about it; it's just their job. Most of the customers I dealt with would usually just say politely, "no thanks", and that would be it. Several customers, however, would get mad at me, and act as if I tried to steal their lunch or something. One customer stood by the cash register even after I'd rung up his order and kept interrupting my conversations with other customers. He told them, "She's LYING. Don't listen to her. That credit card is a waste of money and she's just EVIL for trying to get you to sign up for it."

Another customer got really angry when I asked him if he wanted to sign up for the card. He started yelling and said, "No, I do NOT want the card. I do NOT need my credit score lowered because of it, and I do NOT want my life to be RUINED because you made me sign up for something I don't need." And I was just like, "Don't blame me. I just work here."

So I try to be patient with cashiers and sales people when they try out their sales pitch on me. But sometimes it does get to be a little too much.

Almost every time I go to my neighborhood bank to make a deposit or withdrawal, one of the bankers will ambush me while I'm standing in line and have me sit down with him at his desk. The whole transaction would take less than a minute with a teller, but it always takes much longer when I have to sit with a banker.

Here's an example:

Banker: Hi, welcome! Are you making a withdrawal or a deposit today?

Me: A withdrawal. I just need to get a roll of quarters and...

Banker: Oh, I can help you with that! Why don't we step over to my desk over here.

Me: I'm actually in a hurry. I could just wait for the teller.

Banker: Oh, no, it won't take any time at all!

Me: Okay.

Banker: Now, have you signed up for our spend as much money as possible and we will reward you with a free pen plan?

Me: No, they asked me about that the last time I was here, and I really don't need it.

Banker: Oh, but it's a great plan. Think about how much money you'll save.

Me: No, thank you. I really just need my quarters.

Banker: Of course, of course. Have you heard about our valued customers plan? In exchange for your life savings and your soul, you'll get free airline miles. But they can only be used for three days a year, and you can only go to the South Pole. I've heard it's very nice this time of year.

Me: Really, I don't need any new features on my account. If I could just get my...

Banker: How about our Platinum Account plan? If you sign up for it today, you'll earn a 10% interest on your savings and all you have to do is get 50 of your closest friends to sign up for checking accounts with us. And of course, you also will have to promise never to close your account with us or we will be forced to hunt you down.

Me: Um....

What I really want to say is this: No, I DON'T want ANYTHING else on my account! I'm tired of getting a sales pitch every time I come here, and I must have said no to you people at least fifty times already! JUST GIVE ME MY MONEY!

But I can't say it. Because, you know, yelling and demanding money in a bank might make me sound like a bank robber.