Blogger's Block

My eharmony membership expires next week. I'm not going to renew it.

On the one hand, I do like the way that eharmony works better than the two other dating sites I've tried. But I had more success finding dates on okcupid, and that site is free.

On the other hand, two more guys pulled the disappearing act on me after we got to the third phase of Guided Communication. That's TWELVE guys total. WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING TO ME? Do they not like what I write in the open-ended questions? I can't imagine why; I haven't written anything offensive or lame. It makes me angry that these jerks seem to get some kind of ego boost for giving girls like me false hope.

I did get to go on two dates, but neither of those guys was worth the money that I spent on this membership. I could have used the money to pay some bills. I could have used it for a one-year membership to the Art Institute. I could have gone to several movies; I haven't seen any movies in months. I could have bought ten new books.

I think I'm going to take a break from online dating, at least for now. I hate the stress it puts on me, and I don't think dating should be stressful, do you? I think that the stress is one reason I have blogger's block; I haven't been able to think of any good blog posts lately. I just feel frustrated.

To top that off, one of the classes I was supposed to teach just got cancelled due to low student enrollment. That's a loss of a significant source of income, and I cut my hours at my website job because I thought I was going to teach that class (and I don't know if I'll get those hours back). And of course, I found out about the cancellation just weeks before school starts, so it is too late to find another teaching job. This is yet another reason why I hate being an adjunct.

Although I disliked the book Eat, Pray, Love (I thought the author was a little selfish), I like the idea of taking time off to travel around the world. I've always wanted to do that, especially since I haven't been anywhere since college. I wish that I had the time and the money to see all the places that I've only read about, and try new foods and meet new people.

But since I can't do that, I think of writing as an escape. When I write, I'm able to go somewhere else and get to know new people, and forget about everything else.

That's why every time I feel angry about everything that's wrong with my life, I go to a coffeehouse, order a cup of coffee and a cookie, and write in my journal. Even though I have blogger's block, somehow I've gotten a lot of fiction writing done. I finally finished a draft of my first novel, and I've completed more than thirty pages of my second novel. And that is something.

I'm off to go drown my sorrows in caffeine. Hopefully my next blog post will be more lighthearted, but I didn't really feel lighthearted today.