Embarrassing Gym Behavior

They say that joining a gym is a good way to meet new people. Unfortunately, it's hard to make friends at the gym if a lot of those people think you're weird.

I have a knack for embarrassing myself in public. At my old gym, I went to an aerobics class and I accidentally broke the light switch. At the end of the class, everyone tossed their mats in a pile by the door. When I tossed my mat it accidentally hit the light switch nearby, causing all the lights in the room to go off and pieces of the light switch to fall to the floor. I picked up the pieces and handed them to the instructor in the now-dim room, saying, "Um...sorry, I think I broke the light or something." (He was nice about it, though.) Hmm, I guess I shouldn't have let myself get distracted by the cute guys in the class as I was putting my mat away.

One thing I'm never sure about is the whole thing about wiping the exercise machine clean with a towel after you're done using it. My new gym has a container of those sanitizer wipes, but are you just supposed to use them on your hands or can you use them on the machines? I saw other people using them to clean the machines, so I tried that too; then the machine ended up being all wet so I had to get a clean towel to wipe it off.

The problem is, when I come back to my machine to clean it off with a sanitizing wipe or a clean towel, sometimes I can't remember which machine I was using. There are so many ellipticals in a row and they all look exactly the same, of course, and I suddenly can't remember where I was working out. Then I often end up cleaning the wrong one. How do I know I cleaned the wrong one? Because the person who was exercising near me will give me a weird look as if he or she is wondering why I'm cleaning a machine that I didn't even use, as if I'm the female version of Adrian Monk or something. And I'll say, "Oops! Wrong machine, hehe..." Then I'll move over to the other side, suddenly remembering where I was before. And the person staring at me will raise his or her eyebrows and quickly look away.

Also, there are a few women at my gym who may or may not have thought that I was trying to break into their lockers at some point or another. I swear I wasn't. I broke my glasses two years ago, so I rely on my contacts; this can create problems for me, however. When I take off my contacts, I can hardly see anything, and then when I go back to my locker all the numbers and the padlocks look the same. I sometimes find myself trying to open a locker that's not mine. And then of course the person who actually is using that locker will show up at that moment and look at me like I'm trying to steal her clothes or run off with her Blackberry or something, and I'll say, "Sorry! I took off my contacts and I can't see." And she'll raise her eyebrows and look away, or maybe she's discreetly calling the police; it's hard to tell without my contacts on.

My gym wardrobe leaves a lot to be desired as well. There are women who wear designer tank tops and tight pants; they're the ones that make the guys lifting weights look up and almost drop whatever it is they're showing off with at that moment. I am not one of those women. I did finally buy a gym outfit that actually fits, but the top is hot pink and now when I wear it I look like a highlighter with legs.

I could try just jogging around the neighborhood, like I've seen other people do. But I have a hard enough time not bumping into people and knocking them over when I'm just walking around (it has actually happened a few times, but I do help them get back up), so I guess I'll have to stick with the gym. And you know, working out at the gym can actually be relaxing.

Right.