Tuesday, October 4, 2016

Snubbed

When I first moved to Small Town, I didn't know anyone there or even anyone who lived in that entire state. That's why I was very grateful to Small Town Guy, who introduced me to his circle of friends. They have all been very kind and welcoming to me. We regularly go out for dinner together, or we hang out at a bar in town. Whenever it's someone's birthday, we either throw a party for that person at someone's house or take them out to dinner.

Recently, a person new to Small Town joined the group. I'll refer to her as New Girl. She is attractive, successful, and only a few years younger than me. I thought it would be nice if we became friends. 

But every single time I've tried to talk to her, she moved to talk to someone else within minutes or even seconds. For example, last weekend I attended a party at someone's house. New Girl was there, and I sat down beside her and struck up a conversation. I barely said three sentences to her before she quickly got up and stood next to someone else on the other side of the room.

I don't expect her or anyone else to spend the entire time talking to me, or even half the time, and it's not like I follow her around all the time, because I don't. Still, it would be nice to have a conversation that lasts more than a couple minutes (or in this case, more than thirty seconds). I wondered if maybe I had done something to offend her. It's not like I told her about how I can name any Britney Spears song in five notes or less. I didn't tell her about all the times that I deliberately sneezed and/or coughed on people who cut in front of me. I didn't tell her about how I wish I could put Kick Me signs on the backs of Trump supporters. 

Instead, I was friendly and polite to her, and I asked her questions about herself. But she acted like she didn't want to talk to me. New Girl does not, however, act like this with anyone else in the group, at least not from what I can tell. She is also very friendly to Small Town Guy. 

I arrived at the party after they did, so I can't be sure, but I am fairly certain that they came to the party together. Maybe he just gave her a ride, or maybe she came as his date; either way, I found myself clenching my fists under the table. I haven't harbored any feelings for Small Town Guy in a long time. I've accepted the fact that he and I will always just be friends.

It's not like I listen to Adele's songs in my spare time, weeping, "Her lyrics just speak to me!" Instead, I listen to country songs like this one (hey, I live in the South now, and I'm about three "y'alls" away from driving a pickup truck):


Months ago, when I first developed feelings for him, somehow I knew it wouldn't end the way I wanted it to. I thought that was just my low self-esteem talking, but maybe it was my heart's way of telling me that he wasn't the one.

Still, the idea of him with someone else, especially someone like her, stung a little.

From now on, I will not snub New Girl (the way it feels like she's snubbed me) or be mean to her. Maybe I'm wrong about her. Maybe I'm just being overly sensitive. But on the other hand, I won't go out of my way to talk to her anymore. If she's not interested in talking to me or being friends with me, that's her prerogative. But at the same time, being around her reminded me of being around some of the girls from high school. That night at the party, I felt like the wallflower I was back then, when my classmates voted me "Most Likely to Become a Nun."

What about you? Have you ever dealt with someone that all of your friends liked but whom you were unsure about? Have you ever dealt with someone who snubbed you? 

16 comments:

  1. I have many moments like that when I find myself in social settings. Maybe I'm more socially anxious than I think I am, maybe I read too much into things (introvert problems), but it happens and I find myself right back in high school, feeling awkward and out of place, wanting to disappear. It's hard to read some people, butthe way I see it, if she truly snubbed you, then that speaks volumes about her level of emotional intelligence and she's not worth your time anyway.

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    1. Hi nomdeplume,
      I'm an introvert too; that's why the regular socializing that Small Town Guy and his friends engage in took some getting used to on my part. Parties often make me feel uncomfortable; it was different when I was a kid and we could all just play games together. Then there wasn't as much pressure to carry on conversations and stuff like that.

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  2. She sounds rude to me. A person like that doesn't deserve your conversation or time. If she wants to be snooty, let her. It's her loss. Like the above commenter, I'm an introvert, too. Things like this would bother me, but I'd tell myself to forget her.

    On the upside, I liked the part where you said "I didn't tell her about..." You're my kind of person. ;)

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    1. Hi Chrys,
      Haha, thanks! And I did feel like New Girl's behavior was pretty standoffish, especially because whenever anyone else spoke with her, she'd make a point of talking to them for a long time. But with me she acts the opposite. At least now I feel like I've caught on and will not go out of my way for her anymore.

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  3. When I first met my husband, he avoided me because I reminded him of a girl who used to be friends with him and who did some pretty mean things to him. It may have nothing at all to do with you.

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    1. Hi Charly,
      Maybe you're right. Her behavior just made me wonder, because I just got this vibe that she wasn't interested in being friends. But maybe I'm wrong.

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  4. Wow, she definitely is very rude! I would totally ignore her the next few times you find yourself in the same situation...and make it obvious that YOU are ignoring HER! She sounds very "fake" too. I understand your feelings about Small Town Guy, too. (I love how you included "unrequited" in your labels. I could write a book about those kinds of "loves" in my life.) And one last thing, thank you so much for stopping by my blog today and leaving a comment! I've been very bad at keeping up with blog friends, and I'm trying to get back into it! Have a great Sunday!

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    1. Hi Becky,
      Thanks for stopping by my blog too! It did feel like she was ignoring or snubbing me; I thought maybe I was wrong, but then I saw how she interacted with other people she'd just met. She responded well to them but not to me, and I couldn't figure out why. But oh well. I can't be friends with everyone, I guess.
      And you should write a book about unrequited love! I think it's something that almost everyone could relate to.

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  5. She not only sounds rude to me, but I personally wouldn't waste my time talking to someone who clearly wants (for whatever reason) nothing to do with me. I would, like you mentioned, be polite and civil towards her, however, I would not seek her out as a friend, nor would I waste my time striking up a conversation with her.

    Who knows why she is like this? I certainly don't but I wouldn't let it get to me, and I definitely wouldn't let it affect my friendship with Small Town Guy.

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    1. Hi Linda,
      I have to admit that it did affect my perspective of Small Town Guy a little bit, especially since I suspected they came to the party together. Even if they didn't, it did bother me that she was friendly and very responsive to him while being much less so towards me. But either way, I suppose it's not Small Town Guy's fault. If he likes her, that's his prerogative, and at least I won't be in Small Town forever to witness whatever happens between them.

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  6. This sounds very familiar to me. A long long time ago (okay, in high school, where else?) I tried to develop a who needs them attitude? I stayed polite and kind and helpful, outwardly (I hope) but I stopped caring one iota what people like that thought about me or how they treated me. And if a guy liked that type of girl, then obviously he wasn't the guy I'd thought he was. Can't change the other person! Might as well ignore it and try to be the better person...

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  7. I think everyone has had a similar experience. This was an odd one for me, because I'm a very outgoing, caring person, but there have been select people through the years that I have instantly clashed with. It always startles me, but yes, it has happened 3 times. Maybe you remind her of someone she knew, or maybe she likes small town guy and knows you have feelings for him too, and thus the cold shoulder. Either way, I feel for you.

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  8. Hi Deniz,
    I think life would be a lot easier if I didn't care about what other people thought about me; I often spend too much time obsessing over things that I did wrong that might have made me look bad, instead of the things that I did right. I think it's part of being neurotic or something, but it's something I need to work on.

    Hi Crystal,
    It's possible that New Girl figured out that I used to have a crush on him, but hopefully she didn't. I didn't tell anyone else in the group about my feelings for him; that's partly why I didn't show any of them my blog. If I had, they would've read the posts about him and figured out who I was referring to; then it would have been 50 Shades of Awkward.

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  9. This is a little too familiar. I've had New Girl kinda girl even though not new but totally snubbed after moments if someone else there. Annoying.

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    1. Hi Tammy,
      At first I thought New Girl was like that because she was new to town and wanted to get to know as many people as possible. But like you said, there are other people who are like that even if they aren't new. Not to mention New Girl has been here for a while now, and she still acts the same way towards me as she did when we first met.

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    2. Smells like intimidation. She must think something of you. Take it as flattery. Haha!

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