Tuesday, October 18, 2016

Coping Mechanisms

Lately I've resorted to using coping mechanisms, because working seven days a week (with no days off) at a full-time job and a part-time job, in addition to applying for teaching jobs for next year and trying to make time for academic research has been very stressful. Since my situation will not get easier any time soon, I've relied on some of the following techniques:

1. Listening to (and occasionally singing along with) my favorite songs: As an English teacher, I almost always have a stack of papers to grade. When you read dozens of essays on the same topic, it can make you fall asleep sitting up. That's why I keep YouTube and iTunes open on my computer, so that I can play my favorite songs while I'm working.

For some reason, it often makes me feel better when I sing along to the radio when I'm driving. Sometimes I get carried away, though; recently, during a rare traffic jam on one of Small Town's few main streets, I was singing along to "Vogue" by Madonna, complete with the "Vogue" hand gestures she did in her music video. I heard some people laughing in the car beside me, and I turned my head to see a group of my students watching me. "Hey, Professor!" they called out. If it wasn't for the fact that I would have caused an accident, I would have slunk down in my seat until they drove past. I waved back and said, "Hi kids! I'm just, uh, listening to Madonna for research purposes." (What? I was caught off guard.) That's the thing about living in a small town: you're much more likely to run into (and embarrass yourself in front of) people you know on a regular basis.

2. Making time to write: Although I can't write every day, at least three or four times a week I sit down to work on one of my manuscripts before I do work for my teaching job or my website job. It helps to write something other than, "Your thesis statement is too vague," or "Your citations are incorrect," or "Although you clearly have valid reasons for being mad at your roommate, you should not discuss them in your research paper." Knowing that I get to write fiction makes it a lot easier to sit down at my desk in the first place, and even if I don't get to write for as long as I'd like, it makes me feel good to know that I got some writing down.

3. Reading a good book before bed: I spend hours every day reading stuff for work, but for at least fifteen or twenty minutes before I go to sleep I try to relax by reading a novel or a memoir. I just finished reading the actress Isabel Gillies' memoir, Happens Every Day, where she describes following her professor husband to Ohio (and her description of life in academia is spot-on) as well as the breakdown of her marriage when he fell in love with another woman. Her writing made me feel like I was walking along the streets of Oberlin, Ohio with her, and the emotion she conveyed made me so angry at her selfish, condescending, and unfaithful ex-husband.

She also did something that is similar to the work of other authors I've admired (like Dave Barry, Jen Lancaster, David Sedaris, Natalie Goldberg, etc.): she described ordinary life in a way that was extraordinary. That is, she described simple things like going to the farmer's market and taking care of her kids in a way that made it sound interesting and heartfelt. That's the kind of thing that I try to do in my own writing.

Reading good books like that help me feel less annoyed about constantly being stuck behind cars going less than twenty miles an hour in both lanes, spending extra hours grading late papers, and people who take five minutes to order one cup of coffee (which is never a good idea when they're standing in front of a sleep-deprived, neurotic workaholic who may or may not end up cursing them in three different languages).

4. Socializing with friends: The new friends I've made in Small Town have made me realize that there should be more to life than work. Recently, I had my usual stack of work to do, but I decided to set it aside for one night so that I could go out for dinner with my friends. Even though it meant I had to work extra hours the next day, it was worth it because I had good food, good conversation, and good friends to share them with.

What about you? What kinds of coping mechanisms do you rely on when you get stressed out?

14 comments:

  1. Those are my coping mechanisms, too. I also have "cozy" movies that I like to watch like You've Got Mail.

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    1. Hi Chrys,
      Movies like that are definitely cozy; they're almost like comfort food, except I don't have to feel guilty about them at the gym later. :)

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  2. I cope by finding a corner to cry in, rocking back and forth. Kidding!! Actually we have similar coping skills. Music is my love so there's that. Writing . Reading. And socializing...are you my twin??

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    1. Hi Tammy,
      Haha! Actually, sometimes a good long cry can be a relief, because I feel like I spend so much of the time holding everything in and pretending like it's okay when it's not.
      And as far as the similar coping skills go, maybe we are twins...:)

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  3. I love to sing while I'm driving too! I know I look like a nut to other drivers since I'm in the car alone but I don't care. It always relaxes me.
    I'm glad you are finding some ways to cope with such a demanding schedule!! Sounds brutal.

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    1. Hi Julie,
      The schedule has been brutal; at night, my body is exhausted, but my brain is still so wired and tense that it's hard for me to relax and get to sleep. Singing while driving can make the drive less tedious; that's why I dislike morning radio where it's mainly just talk and not enough songs.

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  4. Having coping mechanisms that you know you can turn to is fantastic, especially for someone who is as busy as you are right now.

    I'm really happy that you've made some new friends and were able to step away from work for at least an evening. There's nothing like taking a moment to just breathe and be in the presence of other people.

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    1. Hi Caitlin,
      I'm glad about the friendships too; when I do leave Small Town, those friends will be what I miss most. And it's good to be around other people after spending so much time at my desk, working by myself.

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  5. There's nothing wrong with being caught out dancing to Madonna. If I hear Footloose, I have to dance. Even if that means at work while trying to talk to someone, while on the cross trainer or even in a car park (Yep, all actual examples) Embrace the music :-)

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    1. Hi Annalisa,
      Oh, I love Footloose! I have that song on my iPod; I remember that at high school dances we used to do that Footloose dance. And I must say that the image of you dancing while talking to someone at work made me smile.

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    2. I try to hide it. It's very surreptious dancing, but I know I'm doing it... hopefully they don't ;-)

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  6. I'm so glad you've made some good friends in this small town. Everyone needs that personal connection and people who renew them. Are you going to be okay to move on if you get a job in another place? (P.S. I'm chuckling over the Madonna song and loving it.)

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    1. Hi Crystal,
      I will definitely miss my friends in Small Town; they were the biggest surprise when I moved here. That is, I assumed I would just be working here and rarely, if ever, socialize. It will definitely be hard to leave them behind, but unfortunately, due to the nature of the academic job market, especially for untenured faculty like me, I don't have a choice.

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    2. Well I'm hoping that wherever you end up, you'll discover a whole roster of epic people to fill their shoes.

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