How to Get Over a Crush

1. Drive around singing along to Alanis Morissette's "You Oughta Know," R.E.M.'s "Everybody Hurts," and all of Adele's songs.

2. Watch the endings of Lifetime movies about unrequited love, which often end with a deranged woman in a wedding dress waving a knife/gun around. Then you can think to yourself, Well, I would never do THAT. Poison would be much more effective and less likely to be traced back to me. 

3. Donate food to an animal shelter, where you will tell the cats, "You will all be mine someday."

4. Text your friends, "I'm FINE," while wiping chocolate off your cell phone.

5. Join an online dating site, where you will end up blocking messages from men who are old enough to be your grandfather but claim to be in their forties.

6. Write a story about a fictionalized version of yourself who dates a fictionalized version of your crush, except she dumps him in the end, leaving him sobbing while she rides off into the sunset with George Clooney's identical twin brother.

7. Eat ice cream and resist the urge to fling it at the beautiful woman that has captured your crush's attention.

8. Work out at the gym, where you will wish you could block (or at the very least drop-kick) guys who are old enough to be your grandfather but claim to be in their forties.

9. Google "snappy comebacks for people who want to know why I'm not married yet," or better yet, write your own, stuff like, "Oh, but I AM getting married. My fiance's name is Henry, but he prefers to be called the Dark King of Evil."

10. Act like everything's normal when you're around your crush, while resisting the urge to text him the lyrics to Adele's song "Hello."

What about you? What kinds of things have you done to get over a crush?