Tuesday, July 5, 2016

How to Get Over a Crush

1. Drive around singing along to Alanis Morissette's "You Oughta Know," R.E.M.'s "Everybody Hurts," and all of Adele's songs.

2. Watch the endings of Lifetime movies about unrequited love, which often end with a deranged woman in a wedding dress waving a knife/gun around. Then you can think to yourself, Well, I would never do THAT. Poison would be much more effective and less likely to be traced back to me. 

3. Donate food to an animal shelter, where you will tell the cats, "You will all be mine someday."

4. Text your friends, "I'm FINE," while wiping chocolate off your cell phone.

5. Join an online dating site, where you will end up blocking messages from men who are old enough to be your grandfather but claim to be in their forties.

6. Write a story about a fictionalized version of yourself who dates a fictionalized version of your crush, except she dumps him in the end, leaving him sobbing while she rides off into the sunset with George Clooney's identical twin brother.

7. Eat ice cream and resist the urge to fling it at the beautiful woman that has captured your crush's attention.

8. Work out at the gym, where you will wish you could block (or at the very least drop-kick) guys who are old enough to be your grandfather but claim to be in their forties.

9. Google "snappy comebacks for people who want to know why I'm not married yet," or better yet, write your own, stuff like, "Oh, but I AM getting married. My fiance's name is Henry, but he prefers to be called the Dark King of Evil."

10. Act like everything's normal when you're around your crush, while resisting the urge to text him the lyrics to Adele's song "Hello."

What about you? What kinds of things have you done to get over a crush? 

16 comments:

  1. #9 would be at the top of my list. LOL! When I was dating, I had a "pen pal" (yes, back in the day of pen pals) who was a looker. If I ever got discouraged or someone teased me about not having a boyfriend, I whipped out his picture and told them he was long distance. It wasn't a lie. I actually did go to visit and we had a date. It was...different.

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    1. Hi Crystal,
      Interesting! You should write a story about your pen pal; I like that. I miss pen pals; I had one when I was younger. It was much more fun to get letters than e-mails.

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    2. Too true. I guess I could write a contemporary story about that experience...and many, many others. Even back then I was a writer. (7 pen pals at a time.) I think in some ways, the life was much easier when we were all a little less connected.

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  2. Add this one to #1: "https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P2e7dpVDX54">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P2e7dpVDX54" It's awesome for a good sob. And then I move on.

    I say #6 for the win!

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    Replies
    1. Dangit! My attempts to be fancy w/ the linkage didn't work. Here's another try:
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P2e7dpVDX54

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    2. Hi Nicki,
      I think a lot of people can relate to the lyrics of that song. I especially like #6 too; I think that a lot of stories are authors' versions of what they wish would have happened.

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  3. Replies
    1. Hi Lynda,
      Thanks! Someday I'll be the Caffeinated Cat Lady.

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  4. #3 is also my favorite LOL. Although I've done my share of singing "Everybody Hurts" LOL.

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    1. Hi Julie,
      I actually have been donating pet food to the animal shelter for months now. It's only a matter of time...

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  5. Replies
    1. Hi Caitlin,
      Thanks! I've also started wiping chocolate off my computer. :)

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  6. I'm sorry I haven't been stopping by more regularly. I laughed at quite a few of these reasons. But don't get discouraged. Whoever that idiot of a guy is, he doesn't deserve you. I have anger issues, so I would probably fantasize of driving him over with my car:)

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    1. Hi Murees,
      That's okay! I've been blogging sporadically these past few months, partly due to work and partly due to blogger's block. Anyway, it seems like unrequited crushes are part of the story of my life; they never work out the way I want them to.

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  7. I wouldn't sing 'Everybody Hurts' (because everyones ears really would hurt), but I'd blast it loudly until my neighbours brough chicken soup, chocolate and tissues! Chin up!

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    1. Hi Annalisa,
      Sorry about my late reply; I've been having issues with my car all week and it's been taking more time than I anticipated. I doubt my neighbors would bring my chicken soup or tissues, but that's mainly because we share a mutual disdain for each other. :)

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