Monday, September 7, 2015

Me Time

In Chicago, people sat next to each other on buses and trains for hours and barely looked at each other. I'd go to my favorite coffee shop or bookstore and see other regulars there, but we never talked to each other. City dwellers usually try to avoid looking at or speaking to strangers, because they never know if those strangers are just regular people or people who would whap them in the head and run off with their wallets.

In Small Town, Tennessee, although I can't go anywhere without being stared at and gossiped about, the townspeople are generally friendly and strike up conversations with me, which startled me when it first started happening (I was all, "Why are they talking to me? Are they going to rob me? Because that's what happened the last time I got robbed.") Several of my colleagues have invited me to lunch, parties, or to barbecues.

Here's the thing, though. While I appreciate their invitations and have said yes to a few of them, what I often feel tempted to say is, "Sorry, I can't! Maybe next time...or NEVER."

In my version of hell, I would have to go to parties every day and make conversation with a bunch of people. When I was a kid, I liked going to parties, because we got to play games, eat cupcakes, and bring home goody bags. Now that I'm an adult, all people usually do at parties is drink alcohol, talk about the new diet they're on, and go home feeling obligated to reciprocate the social invitation.

I have a heavy course load this term, and I'm teaching more students at one time than I've ever taught before. As an English teacher, that means a lot of papers to grade, which means I might get so stressed that I end up writing, "All work and no play makes me a neurotic workaholic" or "redrum" over and over again.

I still have my website job, which, due to the car I had to buy (there is no public transportation in Small Town), my credit card debt that I accumulated when I moved here, and my student loan debt, I can't afford to give up. So that means I'm working too many hours every week. It's still the beginning of the school year, and I've been so tired that I end up falling asleep by ten P.M. (though I have to slap myself awake to finish my work) almost every night.

That means that when I have time off, I'd like to spend it doing what I want to do, like exploring Tennessee. Once I save up enough money, I'd like to visit Graceland and Dollywood. There is no mall in Small Town, so I'd like to drive to one of the bigger cities and go shopping. I'd also like to stay in town and write in a coffee shop, and I want to read more books without footnotes in them.

I've always been an introvert, and while I don't want to be alone all the time, I don't enjoy socializing every weekend, or even every other weekend. I prefer to do things on my own, because then I can do things on my terms. On the rare occasions I do go to a party, I spend the whole time counting the minutes until I can make up an excuse and leave "fashionably" early.

I don't want to be rude to my colleagues, which is why I've said yes to a few of their invitations. And I know that it is a good opportunity to network as well. But if I say yes more often, I'll end up resenting them and blurting out things like how I disagree with several of their teaching methods, the English department's policies and how I think it's extremely unfair to give us low salaries, heavy course loads and also require us to make time for endless meetings and committees. Or I might just blurt out, "Why does everyone in Small Town keep staring at me? Is it because they think I'm an alien, or are all of YOU the aliens?"

What about you? Do you consider yourself an extrovert or an introvert, and how do you deal with social invitations that you feel pressured to accept (but don't actually want to say yes to)?

13 comments:

  1. I'm definitely an introvert. I don't get invited to a lot of parties, but if I get along with the people who invited me, then I will go. Yeah, I would be freaking out too, if I were you. But mostly I decline politely. Or even mention that I'm anti-social, or too tired to show up. My brother would even argue that I lack social skills:)

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    1. Hi Murees,
      I don't think you lack social skills; I'd say it's just that you're a more private person, like I am. Some people love parties, but I never did. It'd be easier to deal with all of these invitations if I didn't feel like I "had" to go for the sake of my job.

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  2. I veer towards being introverted. Obviously, until you get fully settled into the work routine, you've got a perfect excuse of needing to work. I would suggest saying yes to a couple (relatively regularly), because one day they might stop asking - this is a perfect time to make new friends to make your life happier in the long run :-)

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    1. Hi Annalisa,
      Thanks for the advice! I have said yes a few times; for example I accepted one invitation recently, even though it is on my day off and I had to cancel my plans to do something fun for that day. I've told my colleagues that I need to work, but they still expect me to make time not only to serve on committees, attend meetings, and teach but also attend the department's social events. It wouldn't bother me so much if doing all of these things didn't leave me broke and tired.

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  3. I'm definitely an introvert. I've spent part of my life accepting invitations because I didn't want to miss out and then dying to go home. In the past several years I've accepted my introversion (somewhat) and have declined most invitations.

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    1. Hi nomdeplume,
      I think it's good to accept who you are; so many people don't and they end up trying to be someone they're not (I must admit that I've done that in the past). I just don't like being around a bunch of people (or even small groups of people) all the time.

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  4. LOL! I'm both an introvert and extrovert. The problem is, I'm not always the right one at the right moment.

    So save your sanity and say "no" when you need to, but some of these people will grow on you, I promise. Here's to surviving a new environment!

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    1. Hi Crystal,
      They should make a survival guide for people who make the move from a big city to a small town, or vice versa; maybe I'll write one, if I do survive here. :)
      I tried being more of an extrovert when I was in college, but it wasn't like before I went back to my true nature.

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  5. I'm definitely extro and intro. It all depends on the situation sometimes I can be the quietest mouse in the corner and it's mainly because I'm not up to engaging with others. Then other times all I want to do is talk talk talk. Spending time to explore is awesome though!!

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    1. Hi Tammy,
      I am actually looking forward to exploring Tennessee; I've been Googling interesting places to visit in this state. Now that I own a car, I can drive to some of those places, once I have more free time.
      Sometimes I wish I could be both extroverted and introverted, but I've just never been very good at being the former.

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    2. Something to work on in your new town!! Hint hint

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  6. Make sure you get out each weekend. New jobs are so stressful. The learning curve at at new place is tough. I know--I'm going through the same thing, but without the added stress of moving to another state.
    Your experience reminds me of when I had my first child. Out of the blue, strangers would talk to me. I'm a mix of being an introvert and extrovert, but talking to random strangers on the street is definitely not my thing.
    I've been going to bed at 9:30 to get up at 5:00 am. We'll both be exhausted this year! Good luck.

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    1. Hi Theresa,
      It used to be I'd work through the whole weekend, every weekend, but now I'm finally realizing that like you said, it's important to get out and take time for myself. This new job has been stressful, partly because it's not only a new school but a whole new environment to get used to. It'd be easier if I could have stayed in Chicago, even if it meant teaching at a school I hadn't worked for before. But unfortunately, that just wasn't an option this year.
      Good luck with your new job! May you get as much rest as you need, and may the job go well.

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