Tuesday, June 23, 2015

Ten Questions for a Dating Coach

Recently I was waiting for my coffee at Starbucks and I looked up at the bulletin board, where there was a flyer for a dating coach. On the one hand, I rolled my eyes at the idea of a dating coach. I think that when I go on a date, I should go as myself, not as someone who's "coached" into being the type of person who guys want to go out with.

On the other hand, I thought of all the articles I'd read in women's magazines with titles like, "How to Get a Second Date," or "How to Make Him Want You," or "If He's Not Texting Back, That Means He Likes You." (Okay, I made up that last one, but there ARE articles out there like that.)

People go to coaches or teachers to learn a lot of things. For example, people hire personal trainers to help them lose weight or strengthen their muscles. Athletes hire coaches to help them develop their skills and win competitions or games. My students come to me for help with writing or over-analyzing authors. So why not go to a dating coach, who could tell people what they're doing wrong (or right) when it comes to dating? At the very least it might help to have some support.

I Googled the name of that dating coach. This person's services cost almost a hundred dollars for a one-hour session! Obviously, I can't afford a dating coach, though I probably could if I gave up my coffee habit. (But then I'd end up flipping off a LOT more people than I already do, so I should probably not give up coffee any time soon.)

I did, however, think of some questions that I would ask a dating coach, if I could afford one.

1. How do I get a second date?

2. If he says, "I'll call you," does that mean, "I'm going to delete your number from my phone IMMEDIATELY" every time?

3. When guys don't put pictures in their online dating profiles (and there are a LOT of them), does that mean that a) they're self-conscious about their looks; b) they don't want their girlfriends/wives to know they're online; c) they're in the Witness Protection Program?

4. Would the phrase "I work for the IRS, and I'm going to audit you if you turn out to be a jerk" be a good headline for my online dating profile?

5. When guys write stuff like, "I don't want to date any heavy girls," or "If you weigh more than 135 pounds, don't e-mail me until you lose weight," (I'm not making those up, but I wish I was), is it okay to e-mail them pictures of Victoria's Secret models with the message, "These are the women you will spend years pining for but who will never settle for you"?

6. Why do I only attract the guys who criticize me for not dressing up enough for dates, wait several weeks after our first date to call me, or try to touch me so many times that I have no choice but to "accidentally" trip them?

7. Since everyone is emotionally and physically attached to their cell phones these days, why do some guys take hours to text back?

8. Would the phrase "My biological clock is ticking louder and louder" be a good headline for my online dating profile?

9. What are some good places to meet guys my age who don't reject all the women in their thirties for women in their twenties (or teens)?

10. At what point do you give up on a client and buy him or her a lifetime supply of ice cream?

Maybe the problem isn't just the guys I've gone out with. Maybe it's me. After all, the one common denominator in all those relationships is me. Maybe a dating coach could give me some valuable insight. But right now, of course, hiring a dating coach is not an option for me. I haven't even thought about dating anyone in months, since I've been focused on my dissertation and the job search. I have resolved, though, that once I've secured a good, full-time teaching job, I'll put myself out there again.

What about you? If you could ask a dating coach a question, what would it be? What do you think of people like dating coaches and matchmakers?

13 comments:

  1. I would ask them why my good friend here is so obviously witty, beautiful, and smart and probably intimidates men because they are not awesome enough for her!! love you girl!!

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    1. Hi Tammy,
      Aw, thanks! Love you too! I'd like to meet a guy who's also smart and witty. Usually a conversation with the guys I dated would just be something like, "I don't know. What do you want to do?" or a text message that said, "Hey."

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  2. Although I'm not a dating coach, I probably could answer a few of those questions. LOL! I wouldn't even know where to begin with a dating coach considering I haven't had a date since 2007 and have turned down every guy who's asked me out on a date in recent years. I rather like my life the way it is and don't want to ruin it. :)

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    1. Hi Cherie,
      Oh, I know what you mean! I wouldn't want a guy to change my life entirely either. I try to picture a life like the ones that my married girlfriends have, and I can't picture myself in that life. I wanted to get married, but at the same time I always wanted something different.

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  3. You know, I've been thinking about joining an online dating service and now I don't want to. Haha. Maybe it is better to be alone. Or not. *sighs* I am curious over what a coach would answer to some of those questions, especially your first one.

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    1. Hi Chrys,
      Oh, if you want to join an online dating service, you should! I tried okcupid, eharmony, chemistry.com, and match.com. I got the most dates from okcupid. The thing about online dating is that it gives you the opportunity to meet a lot of people that you might not have met otherwise. And it's much easier to send an e-mail to a cute guy than to strike up a conversation with him at a bar or a coffee shop.

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  4. You know, I've been thinking about joining an online dating service and now I don't want to. Haha. Maybe it is better to be alone. Or not. *sighs* I am curious over what a coach would answer to some of those questions, especially your first one.

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  5. Dating coach makes me picture wearing an earpiece with someone whispering tips as I'm on the date.

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    1. Hi Leslie,
      I'd like a coach like that, at least for the first date. I'd also like to be a coach like that, especially since I've witnessed several first dates at coffee shops that I frequent. There have been many occasions where I wished I could give those people some advice, like "Put your cell phone DOWN and talk to your date."

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  6. I think those are really valid questions. Some of them really made me laugh. If it wasn't meant to be funny . . .sorry :( I don't think you're the problem. You're just too awesome for most men and they feel intimidated. Their loss.

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    1. Hi Murees,
      No, it's okay! They were meant to be funny. And thanks! After I saw that flyer, I wish I could sit down with a dating coach, even just once, and ask him or her about how to deal with the wrong guys (and how to find the right one).

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  7. The answer to 5 is YES, YES, YES, by the way!

    I have no dating advice whatsoever, apart from the age-old (and completely annoying) you'll find someone when you least expect it. It happened just like that with my sister, so I'm not spouting nonsense, just... dripping it.

    I nominated you for an award on my blog today :-)

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    1. Hi Annalisa,
      Thank you so much for the award! I'll stop by your blog soon. I wish I could post that message from #5 in my next online dating profile, because I saw so many profiles where guys specified that they didn't want to date "fat" girls. What made it worse was that a lot of those guys weren't exactly in shape themselves, yet they felt they "deserved" women who looked (and ate) like supermodels. Obviously, they were wrong (and deluded).

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