Monday, September 1, 2014

Single and Thirtyish

When you're single, female, and thirtyish....

1. You will often get phone calls from relatives who ask, "When are you getting married?"

2. You will also get phone calls from relatives who say, "Did you know that [insert the name of your childhood nemesis here, and yes, I had more than one] is already married and has three kids?"

3. Other people may say to you, "Don't you WANT to have children? You don't have much time left."

4. Friends who are in relationships will give you birthday/Christmas gifts that are either baskets filled with bath products (I must admit I like those) or scented candles. If I lit all the candles that married friends have given me, my apartment would immediately catch fire.

5. MANY thirtyish guys will reject you for twentysomething (or teenage) girls and believe that their personalities are the only reasons that those girls want them.

6. You start to think about all the guys you went out with and wonder if you made the wrong choice: "Even though he flirted with the waitress/left me with the check every time/criticized my job/was ten years older and three times balder than he said he was in his profile, maybe I SHOULD have given him another chance."

7. When a hostess at a restaurant asks you, "Is anyone joining you today?" you may or may not feel tempted to say, "No, my boyfriend couldn't make it. His name is Ryan Gosling and he's very busy."

8. Some friends and relatives will make jokes about you being an old maid. You will make jokes about throwing sharp objects at them.

9. Your friends who are in relationships will not be able to spend as much time with you (or will disappear altogether and only hang out with other couples). When you do see them, they will refer to themselves as "we," show you pictures of their significant others, and tell you all the romantic things that their significant others did for them. You will tell them about how you elbowed some creep on the train because he tried to grab your boob.

10. People will try to set you up with thirtyish guys, who they claim are "perfect" for you but who would make you claw your way out with your bare hands if you were trapped in an elevator with them.

11. Your married friends probably spent less than ten bucks on a scented candle for you. You will spend hundreds (or more) of dollars on presents for their engagements, weddings, baby showers, baptisms, housewarming parties, etc., etc.

12. Although thirtyish guys apparently have no qualms about going after girls who are too young for them, you are unwilling to date twentysomething guys who call you "Ma'am" (or in my case, Professor).

13. You can travel or live wherever you want, without having to appease in-laws, significant others, or children.

14. You can check out cute guys in public without feeling guilty.

15. You can watch episodes of Sex and the City and say, "Yes! That's exactly how I feel about being single, minus all the one-night stands and expensive shoes!" What's more, you can watch as many episodes as you want without being mocked or without having to forfeit the show for episodes of a wrestling match, a football game, or a cartoon featuring animated characters whose eyes are larger than their faces (seriously, some of those computer animated characters freak me OUT).

16. You don't have to have any conversations about "the relationship."

17. You can eat ice cream for dinner and not have to share it with anyone.

What about you? What do you think are some of the pros (or cons) of being married (or single)?

Side note: All jokes aside, I think that anyone who promises himself or herself to one person for the rest of their life is making a wonderful, sacred commitment, and it's one that I hope to make someday.


  1. You will meet someone wonderful one day. The time is just not right yet. You are too smart and too damn wonderful to not have someone sweep you off your feet.

    I'm 28 going on 29 and I get asked why I am single all the time. They even ask me if I'm gay. Luckily when they ask me about kids I can smile and say "Not everyone should be a mother and I don't want't to be someone's mother." Usually that leaves them in shock and they leave, resuming the task of praying for my soul.

    One of the best things about being single is that I get to keep my independence and I can have the career I want without having to compromise for anyone else's sake.

    1. Hi Murees,
      Thank you for your kind words. I bet that you will find someone great too.
      In high school there was a rumor going around that I was gay, so even when I was a teenager and single people had the wrong idea about me.
      I think it's difficult for people to fathom that not everyone wants to be married and have kids; even though a lot of things have changed for this generation, there are still many people who expect everyone to live in the same way. And I don't think it's fair of them to criticize other people who are different.

  2. Hee, I like how the list turned positive at the end. And just wait, after you fiind him, you'll STILL get those calls from relatives--asking about when you're going to have a baby. If you have one, they'll immediately want to know when the next one is coming. And THEN when the tykes enter 1st grade you start getting all the quesitons about "well now what are you going to do with all your time?" So maybe you work three jobs & write a novel & even get it published, and then it's "When are you going to write another one?" and...ooops, sorry, may have been projecting there.

    As to point 6 - no regrets. You saw the signs and acted on them. I sure do wish I'd have done the same...

    1. Hi Nicki,
      It was originally going to just be a list about the negative aspects of being single, but I realized that there are several positive aspects.
      I laughed at your description of the persistent calls from relatives. People like them always want more; it can be very frustrating sometimes.
      You're right about number 6. I think if I had kept dating one of those guys, neither of us would have been very happy.

  3. Lol, loved #8, although I imagine those 'jokes' get wearing after a while! Sorry I haven't stopped by in a while - having a manic time, but hopefully I'm more on top of everything now... Maybe :-)

    1. Hi Annalisa,
      That's okay! And sorry about my late response; it's been pretty busy around here too.
      I do get tired of the jokes that people make about me because I'm single; I don't know why they think it's okay to ridicule me just because I didn't make the same choices they did.