What I Wish I Could Say to My Students

As the teacher, I always have to be the adult in the classroom, even when my students drive me up the wall. God forbid I should say something that negatively affects their self-esteem, something like "C's are not good grades. You can do better," or "Maybe you should rethink your career plans, because not everyone makes it in Hollywood within the first year of moving there." I don't insult my students or anything like that, but I do think this whole business of making sure that students feel good about themselves all the time is nonsense. Sometimes, what they need to hear is not unearned praise but the truth. The thing is, once they start working and enter the "real world", they're not going to get away with 85% of the stuff that they do. And I sometimes get negative reactions from students when I refuse to let them get away with that stuff while they're still in school.

But here are a few examples of things that I think all students (not just mine) should hear:

I read an article about a 20-something guy who did a project where he lived without texting, e-mail, Facebook, etc. for a long period of time, and everyone viewed it as a major accomplishment and sacrifice. To which I say, "Except for e-mail, I live without that stuff EVERY DAY! Why doesn't someone give ME a medal?"

You complain that authors like William Faulkner and Ernest Hemingway are boring, which may be one reason why so many of you don't do the assigned reading on a regular basis. And yet you find your friends' Tweets that say stuff like, "Watching Family Guy. LMAO" and "Partying all night long. A very good night" so FASCINATING.

Speaking of Twitter, Facebook, and texting, I can go through entire DAYS without any of these things. So why can't you sit through an entire class without them? You'll still be alive by the end of class, I promise. And all 200 of your Facebook "friends" will understand.

You know how they say that water in a pot isn't going to automatically boil just because you stare at it? Well, if you keep staring at me without answering any of the questions that I ask during class discussions, then I'm going to start boiling.

If you don't want me to be in a bad mood when I write your recommendation letter, then don't ask me to write one for you less than two days before it's due.

My classes are rarely boring, even when I teach the same subject over and over again. It's because of all of you and how you respond to the material, and that's what makes my job interesting.

Don't tell me that you can't afford to buy the books, because then I'm going to ask who paid for your new iPhone and laptop.

You wouldn't like it if I showed up half an hour late for an appointment to discuss your paper, or if I didn't show up at all. You also wouldn't like it if I sent you an e-mail at the last minute (AFTER you've already shown up for the appointment) to let you know that I won't be there. So why do you people keep DOING these things?

When I see your writing improve, I know that you've actually learned something from me. And that makes me happy.

If you want to see me explode, then tell me, "This isn't the grade I deserve." Then show me your paper and point out all the "mistakes" I made when I graded your paper.

Threatening to go to my boss isn't going to make me change your grade. I will not tolerate such disrespect from anyone, especially not my students. And I will NOT let you force me to change your grade.

Asking me what you can do to improve your grade, taking responsibility for your own mistakes, working harder in class, writing original papers that go above and beyond my expectations and don't just regurgitate my lectures, actively participating in class discussions, and answering the questions correctly are all things that you can do to raise your grade.

Taking responsibility for yourself, rather than blaming other people, is part of what makes you an adult. So if you want me to treat you like an adult, then act like one.

I love it when you all say, "Ohhhh!!" when you finally understand what I've been teaching you. That lets me know that I've finally gotten through to you.

When you told me that you started reading other books by the author that we're studying in class, just because that person's writing interested you so much, you made my day.

If you can show up on time to watch a movie or the latest episode of American Idol, then you can show up on time for class.

Speaking of American Idol, why is it that so many of you can recite all the names of the current finalists without hesitation, but you can't remember all the names of the characters in the chapter that you were supposed to read for today?

"Watching a movie during class" does not equal "nap time".

When you become enthusiastic about the projects that we're working on, and I see that light in your eyes that shows how important the work is to you, you make my year.

Another way to make me explode is to tell me that you are just as qualified (if not more so) to teach this class as I am because you took AP English in high school.

A death in the family, a serious illness, and jury duty are valid reasons for missing class. A bad breakup, the fact that you didn't feel like it, the fact that you stayed out too late the night before and overslept, and the fact that you'd rather focus on work for one of your "fun" classes are not valid reasons for being absent. And also? The "family emergency" excuse is only acceptable if there actually is an emergency in your family. Don't use it just because you're trying to get out of turning in your work on time, because I will figure out the truth.

Why is it that you're able to update your Facebook and Twitter pages on a regular basis, but you can't seem to turn in your work on time?

Even though I happen to be younger than your other instructors, that does not mean that I'm going to be more lenient or your friend. I'm sorry if you dislike the fact that someone who isn't that much older than you has authority over you, but that doesn't mean that you can cite my age as a reason for why you think I shouldn't be teaching this class.

The priests at my church get mad if people try to sneak out of Mass early. Sometimes the priest will actually stop talking and call attention to the impatient people sneaking out. Catholic guilt can be very effective. By a similar token, I get mad when you start packing up your bookbag and standing up to leave the room before I've dismissed the class. Then I'M going to call attention to your sinful actions and make YOU feel guilty. 

You know what would be nice to hear once in a while? "Thank you."

Trust me. You WILL read and write even after you graduate from college, so it's better to strengthen your skills in these areas now.

A college education is about so much more than just getting straight A's and earning a degree. It bothers me when people view me as a degree distributor, not an educator.  If all you care about are your grades and fulfilling your requirements, you're going to miss out on so much. And then you'll end up regretting it later on, because you'll never get these years back.


What do you think of the self-esteem movement? What are other things that you think college students need to hear?