Monday, May 27, 2013

Getting Rejected

I've been on match.com for about a week now, and I'm already thinking that I should a) stop shaving my legs; b) stop working out and start eating whatever I want, which means I'll start by falling head first into a box of chocolates; c) shave my head and use the money that I save on hair products to buy books with titles like I HATE MEN.

On match.com, if someone contacts you, you can click on "No thanks", and the website will send him a "not interested" e-mail. I've already gotten five of those "not interested" e-mails. I've also sent e-mails to dozens of guys, but almost all of them haven't responded.

It makes me think that maybe a) at age 32, I really AM too old; b) I should get plastic surgery to make myself look more attractive, except then I'd be able to tell people, "Nothing on my face is real"; c) I'm going to be single forever, so maybe I should adopt a bunch of dogs right now so I can become the crazy dog lady (I can't be the crazy cat lady, because I'm allergic to cats and then I'd be the dead crazy cat lady).

Yes, I've been contacted by guys on match.com every day. (Most of them "wink" at me, because apparently it's too much effort to send e-mails. I dislike winks, because then the pressure is on me to figure out what to say in the first e-mail.) Like the sixty-year old man who apparently doesn't think it'd be awkward at all to date someone who's almost thirty years younger than him. Or the fifty-three year old who specified in his profile that he only wants to date women in their twenties and thirties. Or the Asian guy who described himself as the "Orient Express" and invited women to "take a ride". Or the guy with three chins who described himself as "athletic and toned" and specified in his profile that he only wants to date "slender" women.

It's discouraging, to say the least. Why am I only attractive to much older men and guys who make inappropriate jokes about sex? Every time I get another "wink" or an e-mail, I cringe, because I know that whoever e-mailed me is most likely someone I would never want to date. And almost every single time, I'm right.

It's not like my standards are too high. I didn't just e-mail the "perfect 10s." If a guy looked remotely attractive, I sent him a brief e-mail to introduce myself and ask him a couple questions. But even a guy I didn't think was that cute sent me a "not interested" email.

And my criteria isn't just based on looks either, though I will admit that physical attractiveness is a factor. I don't think it's so wrong to want to be physically attracted to the people that you date. But it's also based on what the guys write in their profiles. There was one good-looking guy that I didn't e-mail because he hardly wrote anything about himself in his profile. He only wrote two sentences in his "summary", and he didn't include any other information. It made me think that he was either just really lazy or was just on the site for one thing, and it wasn't a relationship.

There are other guys who wrote things in their profiles that made me laugh out loud, so I e-mailed them, even if they weren't guys I normally would have noticed. Others mentioned having read my favorite books, so I e-mailed them too. But still nothing.

It makes me feel sad. I reread my profile and looked in the mirror and tried to figure out what was it about me that was so unattractive. I don't think I'm ugly, but a week with almost no positive responses from the guys I e-mailed made me think that I am.

I say "almost" because one guy did respond. We've exchanged a couple e-mails so far, and he seems nice enough. A part of me can't help thinking that he'll be like several of the guys I dated, the ones I liked but who didn't like me back. I can't help thinking that he'll show up for our date, take one look at me, and then make an excuse so that he can leave early (that did happen to me on a date once, and it was awful). 

I'm going to keep trying for a few weeks, at least. But if it doesn't work out with that guy and I keep getting rejected by other guys on match.com, I'm not going to stick it out for the entire three months of my paid membership. Then I'm going to sign up for a membership with plentyoffish.com. If THAT doesn't work out, then I'm going to go to the hair stylist and tell her that I want the "Kojak" look.

What about you? How do you deal with rejection? Do you think it's better to send a "not interested" e-mail or to just not respond at all?

Side note: Here's a hilarious video I found online that cheered me up a little. All teachers should be like the one in this video.


18 comments:

  1. Reading your post made me sad that you aren't doing as well as you had hoped. But it also reminded me of a devotional I received this morning as well. The title "Chosen". It says in 1 peter 2:9 "you have been chosen by God himself... " You are His princess, chosen to be His. Then in Psalms 139 it says He knows you intimately. So my advice look to God and seek who He wants for you. You are a beautiful Woman and should not settle for just any one. ( which clearly you aren't). Don't give up. And have a scoop of ice cream for me... lol.

    Debi

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    1. Hi Debi,
      Thank you for the advice. You're right in that I shouldn't settle for anyone, because that wouldn't be fair to me or to the guy I settle for. I suppose it'll take some more time; based on my past experience, it was usually at least a few weeks before I ended up going on a date with a guy I met on an online dating site.

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  2. ok, well, when you go on a date with this guy, i wanna hear all the "dets"!! play nice out there, sometimes a great attitude or at least a positive one, will bring positive vibes back your way!! good luck!

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    1. Hi Tammy,
      Thanks! I hope I do get to go on a date with this guy, and I hope that he'll be different from all the others (in a good way). One good thing about online dating is that it gives me something to write about.

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  3. Rejection in all its forms sucks, no way around it, but anytime you put yourself out there it's inevitable. Just don't drive yourself crazy imagining reasons they're not responding or not interested - you're a great girl and will make a wonderful partner for the right guy - hold strong to that knowledge and put blinders on to the rest of it. You can't go into dates worried about how it might or might not go - if he's right for you, it will go well, if he's not, it won't, but that's no reflection on your merits, so don't let your confidence get rattled before the relationship even has a chance to start, okay?

    I don't know if you pray, but doing so has never steered me wrong, and I wish I would've done it more often during my dating years.

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    1. Hi Nicki,
      Thank you for your encouragement; it means a lot. I know I shouldn't worry too much; I've spent too much time worrying, and I need to just relax and let things happen instead. I hope that there is a right guy out there for me; if not, I can't help wondering if maybe I'm supposed to do something else with my life. But I do hope that there is someone out there for me.

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  4. I'm crossing my fingers for you with that guy who responded! At least just meet up and see what happens. I think you should be proud of yourself for putting yourself out there. You know? A lot of people are too scared or negative or lazy to do what you're doing. You're trying and that's the important thing. Hugs to you!

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    1. Hi Julie,
      Thanks! I'm crossing my fingers too. When I first started the online dating thing, I just wanted to put myself out there and go on dates. But now I know that I want to be in a relationship. I'm not sure how things will work out with this guy, but I hope that I won't end up disappointed again.

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  5. I deal with a lot of writing rejection and job rejection. Sometimes it hits me, but I mostly roll with it.

    That Asian guy can't be real. Too much! And winking, seriously? I thought the Facebook poking was weird. I don't blame you for feel demoralized sometimes. At least it makes for some good blog fodder. I think you could write a killer novel with this material.

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    1. Hi Theresa,
      Unfortunately, the Asian guy's profile was real (at least I think it was). I've gotten several winks, but only a couple e-mails, and even in the e-mails the guys usually just say "Hi" and that's it. I always e-mail guys that I'm interested in, and I write at least a paragraph. I don't like the winks because it seems like it's less effort to "wink" at someone. A thoughtful e-mail would be a better way to show that they're responding to something in my profile and that they're interested in getting to know me. But most guys apparently aren't willing to make that effort.
      I have written several pages about online dating, and I'm going to put them in a book. If I can't get a boyfriend out of this, at least I could get a novel.

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  6. Good luck!
    I wish I knew why guys on those sites are so strange - you'd think there'd be plenty of other places for them to go if they're just trawling for young chicks. Why waste time on a decent site if they're not looking for a real relationship?

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    1. Hi Deniz,
      Actually, I read an article about a website that caters to sugar babies and their much older "sugar daddies". But I am definitely not a sugar baby. I think about ninety percent of the guys who have contacted me have been much older; I wish they could get it through their thick skulls that most younger women prefer to date guys their own age. They don't want the men who are significantly older.

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  7. Oh my gosh, I've never heard this side of the match.com experience. Take heart...if you don't get a good vibe from someone, you can count yourself lucky that things don't start up. Also, take heart...my friends two daughters both met their hubbies on line. I don't know what site. Just like with publishing...finding "the one" might take time, but it'll be worth it. Just stay yourself!!!!! No freaky plastic surgery.

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    1. Hi Julie,
      I've heard of several online dating success stories, which gives me hope. I've tried online dating several times, though, but so far have only met "frogs". I think I'm a frog magnet.

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  8. Wow. You have gone through it all! I applaud you for sticking with it. I think dating is nerve-wracking. I definitely don't miss it, but at the same time, falling in love is so wonderful, it's worth all the unpleasantness, so keep at it!

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    1. Hi Emily,
      Dating is definitely nerve-wracking, especially the first date. I always feel so nervous before the first date, because I'm worried that the guy won't like me or I won't like him. Then if I do like him, I worry that he won't call. I think that one reason I haven't dated in a while is because I didn't want to go through all that again.

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  9. This is really sad! I haven't officially entered the dating world yet, but one thing that I've learned is to never lose hope. Don't worry: you'll always be able to find your someone.

    www.modernworld4.blogspot.com

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    1. Hi Gina,
      I hope I do find the right guy; I've been searching for him for a long time. So far I've only found the wrong guys.

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